sino sikat?

ako sikat!! hahaha! my face is all over the campus and people are adding me up at friendster.. thank you cwts at msi. you made me known to about 200 students in up. i'm popular. but with great popularity, comes distraction --_--'

gusto ko umuwi sa wikend. naiiyak nako..... overwhelmed......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

turning my safety off - sinosikat

Turning my safety off
I’m ready to talk to you alone
A kiss, a hug, another drink
Puts me right back to
Denial of persistent memory

I’m watching you
Make a fool of you
Over and over

[Chorus]
You can leave the fire open
It’s not dying anyway
It’s not dying anyway
It’s not dying anyway

Turning my safety off
Unclasping my unguarded moments for you
Nothing here is apropos
And I’m crying out to saints and sinners alike

I’m giving you
All the sould I’ve got
Again and again

(Repeat Chorus)

You can leave the memory open
You’re not dying anyway
You’re not dying anyway
You’re not dying anyway

Turning my safety off
I’m ready to fall in love with you
Over and over and over again

(Repeat Chorus)

Turning my safety off
I’m ready to fall in love
With you

Sade - No Ordinary Love

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling

sakit

i'm hurt! di ko akalaing magagawa mo ito sa akin! >_< all along i thought ok tayo, tapos malalaman ko na lang na facade lang pala yun... lumalala na pala, di ko man lang nalaman... tsk... shet... hahaha! joke lang yan... masakit kasi yung last molar ko sa bottom right... nung sunday lang sumakit. kumakain kasi ako ng m&m's... sumakit bigla. napansin ko may butas na. waaa... eh the night before maayos naman itsura niya... T_T so yun, may butas nga. i went to the dentist this afternoon and found out that the damage is worse than i thought. ang dami na palang nagaganap sa loob. ang lungkot... di ko napansin... buti na lang sumakit bigla nung sunday kundi, there wouldn't be any tooth left. waaaaaaaaa!!!

so kaninang hapon, first time kong mainjectionan ng anesthesia without nanay holding my hand. hahaha! para lang akong bata. pero nung next injection ko sa middle ng cleaning, di nako umangal. the pain is way worse than the needle being pierced into my gums.

my dentist actually gave up on the tooth. too much damage. she sealed it with temporary filling ata. the pain should go away. if it gets worse, i might get a root canal, or something. i'll be going back to the dentist next week to get my retainers plus the procedure on my naghihingalong molar. i hope i don't have to go through with a root canal...

the tooth filling tastes bitter... gah... or maybe it's the antibiotics... gah... bakit kasi sa loob pa nagsimula yung damage >.<

this is the reason why i hate plastics... kaya nga, as much as possible, sinasabi ko ang nasa isip ko. ayoko kasing may tinatagong sama ng loob sakin ang mga tao, kaya di ako nagtatago ng sama ng loob sa kanila... hahaha! tae kang ngipin ka!!! wahahaha! walang kwenta!!! backbiter... tsk...

lunch

great... buong hapon ang status ko sa ym ay "lunch" -_-'

churi naman! nakatulog ako... hay... sayang... namatay pa phone ko... tsk... walang bat...

at least nakapag lunch pako ngayon. last week kasi di nako nakapaglunch. sobrang pagod, diretsong tulog ako hanggang dinner time. hehehe

gawd... di ko na talaga kayang sumama sa fieldtrip ng cwts. eto nanaman, sinisipon nako. shet naman, i can't afford to get sick this week. ayokong simula pa lang ng lessons eh may kailangan na agad akong bawiin..

toink

kebs

ang galing talaga, may mga taong bigla na lang nagkukuwento sa akin ng mga bagaybagay, hindi ko naman hinihingi. nakakatuwa lang ^_^ siyempre nalaman ko agad kung sino ang crush niya kahit hindi ko man lang alam ang last name niya... hahaha! sayang hindi nangyayari yan pag may exam... yung tipong sasabihin sayo ang sagot kahit hindi mo hingin... yung tipong ibibigay na lang sayo bigla yung tres na inaasamasam mo kahit hindi ka na lumuhod at magmakaawa sa prof mo...

due monday, hw sa biochem pati kailangan ko magbasa sa phychem ii kasi may quiz ata
due tues, probset sa quantum, pati sa phychem i... hmm... di ko yata kakayanin... buti may groupmates ako.. hehehe

tapos may dance training pa pala kami! grabe na itech! sana naman buhay pako next week kasi may fieldtrip nanaman kami... nung huling fieldtrip kasi, nagka ubo't sipon ako... sus... di na nga ako magpupuyat --_--'

self pity should be banned from now on... hay grabe... tama ba namang hindi pa tapos ang unang buwan ng klase at ang dami na agad kailangang matapos >_<

por dat di muna ako magpapakita sa aking thesis adviser... kebs sa mga serratia na paparamihin ko pa lang... kebs kung maextend ako ng isa pang sem... kebs kung sobrang mahal na ng tuition sa up... ayoko munang madagdagan ang mga rason para mabaliw ako... kung ano muna ang due, yun ang unahin... wahahaha!

adik

naisip ko noon, hindi ako susubok ng kahit anong bisyo kasi alam kong may posibilidad na maadik ako... pero so far hindi naman ako naaadik sa bisyo. siguro dahil medyo masama ang epekto sa akin ng mga ito... bad experiences that i don't even want to think about. pero minsan napipilitan pa rin akong maging masama... at lagi na lang akong nagsisisi pagkatapos...

ayon sa material safety data sheet on ethanol:

Causes skin and eye irritation. Ingestion can cause nausea, vomitting and inebriation; chronic use can cause serious liver damage.

so i guess i won't have the motivation to drink again, right?

eh paano naman kung ibang bagay na ang addiction mo? yung tipong mabuti naman sayo, pero pag sobra na, siyempre masama... tulad na lang ng social life... i can't believe i'm addicted to attention. really, i'm serious. getting attention is like oxygen. i can't sleep if i don't feel loved and needed. i'm an addict... gawd, i have a real problem...

so ano nang gagawin ko sayo? papabayaan ko na lang bang pansinin mo ako? kasi gusto ko naman yun. ako pah, di ako pumipili ng papansin sakin basta makuha ang aking daily dose of attention. kaya lang, iisipin mo bang may pag-asa ka pa rin sa akin kung ineentertain kita? iisipin mo bang may gusto ako sayo kahit sinabi ko naman sayong wala... diba sinabi ko naman sayo na wala?

--_--'

adik ako sa atensyon... masama ba yun?

sipon

naaawa lang ako sa sarili ko... bow...

haha!

hatsing!!!

*singhot... singhot*

HATCHOOOO!!!

*sniff... sniff*

hay... --_--'

tama yan, simulan ang sem sa isang sakit... para laging may sakit... bow...

*cough cough*

siyempre dapat daladalawa lagi hahaha!

excited nakong makakita ng mga trainees sa kontra... sana maraming sumali...

join kotra gapi!!! ^_^

cross

churi naman kung biglang dumami ang posts ko. ang labo naman kasi ng blogspot sa pagcross blog... lahat ng ipost ko sa blogspot supposedly ay malalagay rin sa multiply. para di na kailangang i-copy-paste para malagay sa both journals. eh biglang tumigil ang ganintong function, pero di ko na lang pinansin. tapos ang labo, biglang napost na yung mga entry ko from may/april pa ata dito sa multiply. great! ayan ang dami ko tuloy bagong posts. fine... hayaan nalang...

churi na lang...

ksp

i'm so pagod na as in. i can't believe i'm tired na ksi it's only been three days. yah! it's not too matagal yet and i'm prrrang haggard na... eww kadors! my hair nga is so matigas kasi i like forgot na to make conditioning my buhok this umaga so i had to make tiyaga with ugly hair..... ksp lang... pansinin mo ako! haha!

gusto ko ng sewing machine...

~

usually, i don't prefer being the center of all the attention. i have stage fright. but at times like this, i would really appreciate it if you could focus your eyes on me. kung hindi mo pa alam, ako ay isang prinsesa mula sa malayong kaharian. and i have needs.... sambahin mo ako. ngayon na.

nasan na yung c2 apple na malaki ko?

fantasy

"virginity is not really dignity... but simply the lack of opportunity"

hay... i'm still affected when i'm in a crowd of liberal thinkers for being too conservative... medyo ilang rin ako pag nasa crowd ng conservative people (my normal crowd) kasi nagmumukha akong masyadong liberal.

minsan parang iba na ang sinasabi ko sa mga ginagawa ko. parang masyado nakong liberal mag-isip pero hindi pwedeng humabol sa bibig ko ang katawan ko. announcement lang sa buong mundo, virgin pa ako. hindi ko alam kung kailangan kong ikahiya o ipagmalaki... sino ba talaga ang crowd ko? conservative ako kumilos... as in the first kiss is reserved on our wedding day (hahaha! gudlak talaga sa boyps ko). pero liberal ako mag-isip regarding other people's action. talk to be about drugs, sex and all the vices you could think of. i'd love to listen to your stories. pero di ko susubukan. liberal mag-isip, pero hindi sa kilos. open minded lang. hanggang theory lang ako. sa practical application, wala. hanggang pantasya lang ako... so, saan na ang lugar ko? trying hard na liberal o nagbabalatkayong conserbatibo?

numb

i may have possibly reached the point of hopelessness... i have become satisfied with companionship and not wanting more than just friendship. at least i can't be called a slut since i don't sleep around, and i can't be called desperate because i don't run around the campus trying to grab any guy who would be willing to at least pretend to want me. i'm totally happy with what i have now, which are true friends, and not assholes and players.

i sound so bitter... i should stop being too defensive about stuff...

i just hate it so much when my friends get hurt by guys whose brains are located at their penis...

tsk...

bdays and singaw

birthday ko daw sabi ni mang mer! araw kasi ng kalayaan --_--'

happy birthday to me... nakalibre ako kay mang mer ng dalawang stick ng fishballs ^_^ yey! ang cheap ko daw sabi ni lee ann, pero ang libre ay libre pa rin... patay gutom lang, hindi naman cheap... hahaha!

~

ang hirap talaga pag may braces... nagkakaroon ng sugat sa bibig ko... hay, ang lungkot... pero ok lang naman may singaw kasi at least hindi naman alam ng mga tao na may singaw ako. di tulad ng pimple na kitang kita kasi nasa mukha, ang singaw, natatago. kaya kong ipagpatuloy ang araw ko nang hindi nalalaman ng mga tao na may singaw ako, not that it matters, pero masaya lang may alam ka na hindi nila alam.

ang kasiyahan sa maraming sikretong nalalaman, pakiramdam mo mas nakatataas ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo dahil may alam kang hindi nila alam. somehow, you feel superior. but then, sigurado ka bang wala silang sikretong tinatago sayo?

~

i'm not really the type of person who tries to squeeze out information out of people. but if i really want to know something, marunong naman akong magtanong without really looking like a chismax hungry bitch. sa tanda kong to, ang dami ko nang chizms na alam about people that i don't actually know. pero sa tanda kong to, ulianin na rin pala ako. dahil hindi ko naman kilala personally yung mga tao, at wala namang relevance sa buhay ko yung mga impormasyon, ang daling kalimutan. kung ang mga constant sa chem eh di ko mamemorize, masisingit ko pa kaya ang chismax sa utak ko? --_--'

for that, i'm not really superior.. i'm a pathetic being... maawa ka sa akin kasi nakakaawa ako.. libra mo ko ng c2 apple na malaki ^_^

dual

naalala ko lang bigla nung naglalakad ako pauwi yung sinabi nung crush kong prof sa anthro10 noon... ang salitang kaluluwa ay galing sa salitang dua. dalawa ata ang ibigsabihin nun... grabe nakalimutan ko na ang sinabi niya basta parang ganun. grabe namiss ko tuloy si sir.. haha! wala lang, naisip ko talagang gumawa ng entry kasi naalala ko si sir kanina... hay...

on a slightly related matter, there are two sides to my personality: good and bad. simple, pero complicated pa rin. dual personality pero don't we all have an evil side?

sabi nila, sa mga tunay na kaibigan mo talaga napapakita kung sino ka talaga. wala na kasing sense maging plastik dahil alam mong di ka nila iiwan kahit pa malaman na nila ang pinakamadumi sa iyong katauhan. pakiramdam ko naman na talagang tunay na kaibigan ko ang nakapalibot sa akin, pero bakit hindi ko pa rin masabi sa kanila ang lahat? maybe because it wouldn't make a difference if they found out. maybe because i'm too ashamed of the evil that i've done that i'd rather not share it to them. it wouldn't make a difference anyway... but then, gusto ko talagang ikuwento. gusto kong ibuhos ang lahat para mawala na ito sa sistema ko. i want people to hear what i want to say in order for me to feel normal. gusto ko ng kakampi. kailangan ko ng karamay.

the disadvantage of having such nice people as friends is that you would probably get a sermon even if you're just looking for someone to stay with you while you're throwing up after a couple of shots of hard drinks. i just need someone to be there. that's it. i knew what was coming my way. i knew that i'd get hurt in the end. pero minsan naman pabayaan mo akong maging magkamali dahil naging masaya naman ako eh.

i may look like shit, pero tiisin mo na lang ang itsura ko ngayon kasi kung gaano ako kalungkot, ganun din ang saya ko. peke man ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya, marami mang hindi tama sa ginagawa ko, minsan kailangan ko lang talagang tumakas sa realidad. minsan nagsasawa rin akong maging mabait. minsan gusto ko ring maramdaman ang buhay at hindi lang basta paulit ulit, paikot-ikot. nakakawalang gana...nakakaubos ng lakas...

i just want to feel normal... so don't give me another sermon. i've been through enough torture already...

blessings

sabi ni ma'am quirit, "there are people in much worse conditions than you. count your blessings." hehe... ang bait talaga ni ma'am ^_^ so yun, i counted my blessings. turns out 16 units ako this sem, 13 units hopefully next sem. di pako enrolled, di pa kasi ako nakakapagpapirma sa adviser (pre advising pa lang ako. paksheyt) i'll have to cancel my PI100 and stat101... sana maganda ang mahagilap kong elective sa 2nd sem.

i will graduate this year. desidido na. magdadasal na rin akong sana tanggapin ako sa masters next year....... kala mo sawa nako sa chem? di noh ^_^ first love never dies... being in a relationship isn't always smooth sailing... pinagtatrabahuhan ito. and i'm ready to face the future so please let me finish the present........ gusto ko nang gumraduate. serioso na to. hehe. screw my fear of commitment. yeba!

6 weird things

thanks, julia, for the tag ^_^

~

Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you. People who got tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things. They should as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. i don't eat french fries
i don't eat potatoes, including french fries and potato chips. nakakain ko naman sila kaya lang i don't take pleasure out of eating them. other things i don't eat are chocolate cake, brownies, crinkles etc. i don't usually drink water. di ko rin gusto lasa. napipilitan lang ako uminom at times kasi ubos na iced tea ko or feeling ko nadedehydrate nako.

2. i'm a martha stewart wannabe
i made my own bra. wala na kasi akong pera at nahihirapan rin akong makahanap ng style ng bra na fit sa akin (yes, i have boobs na parang mosquito bites lang) so i started crocheting my own pink bra para masaya. hahaha! i have 6 done already, lahat para sakin kasi sakin lang kasya... pero may isang too small even for me, may isang too big for me pero wala pang umaangkin... sinong gustong umangkin nun? bathing suit lang siya hehe

i made my own pants... eh kasi required mag pants sa lab eh di ko talaga gusto yung maong pants ko kasi mainit at matigas. so i made pants that breathe and move with you. parang advertisement lang noh?

i also make accessories, and sell some. weird ba yun? anyway, shameless plugging lang, my earrings are for sale! ranging from P30 to P50 lang sila. really cheap compared to those being sold sa tindahan. pinagpapractisan ko lang kaya di ko gaanong linagyan ng patong.

3. nagbabalatkayong lasinggera
allergic sa alcohol but still drinks alcohol... wala lang, i just realized that alcohol induces tears and sometimes i need to tear up a bit just to release all the frustrations i keep inside of me. and seeing myself look so pathetic adds to the self pity kaya lalu akong naiiyak. yes it helps me... kailangan kong umiyak para magkaroon na ng conclusion ang mga problema kong di naman talaga problema. kapag umiyak na, i'm acknowledging na tinatanggap ko nang talo ako. and i guess that's weird.

4. malandi
sabi ni pio, "does not like boys, but collects them" hahaha! sabi nga ni lee ann manhater ako kasi kapag masesense kong may seriosong kachurvahan na nagaganap sa isang lalaki, nagwawala na ako at nang-aaway ng walang rason. i instantly push him away. fear of commitment lang naman. fear of rejection rin (kasi inuunahan ko na sila bago pa nila ako ireject) but then nangongolekta daw ako ng lalaki. hahaha! is it my fault na marami akong male friends? and is it a sin to flirt a little? flirting lang naman eh... hehehe

5. i'm overly laway conscious...
somehow part yun ng obsessive compulsiveness ko kasi may fear ako of contamination. keep your laway and germs to yourself and i'll keep mine to myself. no sharing dude... i've also mastered the "iwas nakaw na halik" move. it's like "keep your lips off my cheeks or else i'll laugh at you and you'll be embarrassed" basta no laway policy ako. it gives me an excuse to reject physical display of affection without actually rejecting the person. ayoko lang sa laway, not necessarily ayoko sayo.

6. i know i'm weird and i enjoy being weird... di pa yata tapos ang evolution ko... di pa rin gaanong developed ang aking social skills so i hope people would just bare with me when i'm acting unhuman-like again. haha! i don't want to change. i like it when people think of me as weird... people think that i don't care about what they think... pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko talagang iniisip nilang weird ako. hehe

no tags... nakakatamad... answer it if you want to ^_^

weak

di ako mabubuhay ng walang magaakay sa akin. di ako mabubuhay ng walang lalaki sa buhay ko... hahahaha! joke lang... feeling ko talaga ang frail ko as a person. onting ihip lang matutumba na ako. ngayon nga, pakiramdam ko di na ako makakatayo ulit kung di lang dahil sa mga nakausap ko kanina. siyempre iba't iba ang reaction nila about my sudden change in academic status. pakshet... hahaha! pero lahat naman nakatulong sa pagmaintain ng aking sanity... (thanks talaga sa inyo!)

ok na naman status ko ngayon. good standing nanaman ako... labo nga eh. i almost got dismissed pero good standing pa rin nakasulat sa form5a ko... ay di pala, graduating ang status ko... kamusta naman ^_^ yey... pero siyempre may mga problema pa ring natitira for tomorrow... hay... (suicidal mode kanina... muntik nakong tumigil sa gitna ng kalye para magpasagasa hahaha! pero siyempre walang kotse)

you can't expect me to be totally happy all the time. may mga down moments din ako, like today. may karapatan naman akong maging malungkot diba?

kapag masaya, tinotodo ko ang saya. squeeze all the happiness out of the situation hangga't pwede, tsaka na problemahin ang mourning period immediatelly after. it's a vicious cycle but it's an alternative source of energy. and energy is rare these days... especially after realizing that there's this chance na everything i've been doing in the past 4 years might just end up as waste. nakakadrain yun ng mas mabilis kesa sa normal. kailangan nga lang tiisin kapag nasa down mode ako kasi when i'm down, i really am down.

manic-depressive nga ako noh? hahaha! excited nako magfirst sem para maramdaman ko nanaman na buhay pa ako... waaa... yun lang...

~

for the first time in laya history, dismissed ang status ni laya ng kalahating araw. yey...
i hate phychem!!!! pakshet! pakshet! bakit kailangan maging bobo ako sa phychem?!?! waaaa... pwede bang wag na lang ako magphychem?!?! waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

hay...

ayan ok nako ^_^

futuristic

let go of the past and move on to the future. yan ang advice ko sa sarili ko. at sisiguraduhin kong magagawa ko yan! kalimutan na ang nakaraan at magsimula ng malinis at walang bahid ng kapaitan. no grudges, no games, no non-sense. this is my last year as an undergrad. kahit ano pang mangyari, kahit di pa ako pumasa sa letseng removals na yun, huling sem ko na talaga ko. hindi ko na hahayaan ang sarili kong mawala sa landas na pinili kong tahakin. no more bullshit ^_^ yey! gusto ko nang gumraduate, seriously. i'm through procrastinating... or at least i want to stop the habit.

the first step to fixing a problem is to acknowledge the problem. so here's my problem: i'm a procrastinator. i put off everything til the last minute, i don't take things seriously and i'd take any opportunity just to delay finishing what i need to do. and i'm changing... i want to be a new person. i need to be a new person.

here are my plans: i will have a planner containing what i need to accomplish. pati pera ko imomonitor ko na rin para matrack ko kung madami nako masyadong gastusin. sisimulan ko nang kumilos ng parang responsableng tao na talaga ako. i need to prepare for the bigger things waiting for me when i finally leave my sanctuary... i really need to learn how to stand on my own two feet. gawd... i need to grow up...