screaming infidelities

nababaliw na yata ako... isang linggo ko na kasi di nakikita yung crush ko. yan tuloy nagwiwithdrawal ako. nyahahahaha! napasound trip tuloy ako... sa lahat naman ng kanta, ito pa maririnig ko. di naman ako paranoid.

*yuck... yung ipis dinidilaan yung antena niya... left... right... left... right... ewwwwnesssss... ayaw pa rin tigilan*

sigurado naman kasi akong di siya makakahanap ng ibang magtitiyaga sa kaniya. wala rin naman akong makikitang taong magtitiyaga sa akin. pero sabi nga sa txt, absence makes the heart whatever. shet nakalimutan ko pa... tinatamad nako magsearch. alam ko lang kapag di ko siya nakikita, hindi ko mapipigilang mapatingin sa iba.

*ayan nagsawa na yung ipis sa kaniyang antena. nagmemeditate na lang siya sa may pintuan*

baka sa simula hanggang tingin lang, pero kapag magsawa, baka maging kaliwete na ako...

*ay dinidilaan nanaman nung ipis yung antena niya. ay grabe di ba nauubos yung lasa nun?*

hindi naman yata mangyayari yun. sa klase ng personality na meron ako, na super loyal. tipong ilang taon na, siya pa rin, maiisipan ko pa bang mangaliwa? hindi ko masabing imposible kasi sabi ni peter pan, "never say never" at dahil may peter pan syndrome ako, susundin ko sinabi niya. misquote yan kasi tinanggal ko yung "neverland" sa end ng statement. so ibang quote naman, "wag magsalita ng tapos" XD amen.

ayokong mangaliwa. napagkamalan nakong kaliwete... at sobrang laking krimen na nito. ang daming kaguluhang naidulot. warla kung warla. eh false accusation lang ito. paano pa kaya kung totoo na noh? hay...

*para sa mga di makarelate, past is past. wag niyo na lang alamin please. tanggapin niyo na lang na accusation lang ito at walang katotohanan. slight katotohanan lang daw. ayoko nang alalahanin.*
*ay nawawala na yung ipis...*

napansin ko lang, inaassume kong ako ang mangangaliwa... eh bakit hindi yung lalaki ang mangangaliwa? possible yun diba? may sinabi si peter pan, "anything is possible if you believe." wala nanaman sa context. hahaha! siguro dahil mas madali mangaliwa kesa maging taong kinakaliwa. plus, hindi ako pipili ng lalaking pakiramdam ko ay mangangaliwa sa akin. (tama ba yung use ng word? mahina kasi ako sa language...)

kung psychiatrist ako, sasabihin ko sa sarili ko, "and how does that make you feel?" sasabihin ko sa psychiatrist kong sarili, "ewan ko sayo!"

~

screaming infidelities
-dashboard confessional-

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.

I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder...
How you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...
Making out

Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.

*the first time i heard this song (highschool ata) di ko pa alam meaning ng infidelity. naisip ko rin, sa lahat ng ebidensyang makakalap niya, bakit buhok? anong klaseng buhok?*

quote nanaman napanood ko ata sa joan of arcadia... men cheat because they don't feel needed. women cheat because they don't feel loved... or something to that effect.