freedom!

Oversharing

2012-02-02T02:23:00.001+08:00

Yung antok na antok ka na pero najejebs ka bigla. Nakakabaliw lang XD

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How to save a life

2012-01-19T10:52:00.001+08:00

Watching the musical episode of grey's anatomy. Just realized that a lot of my favorite songs were from the show. There's something about hearing the song while seeing a whole lot of drama. The emotions gets stuck to you. And everytime you hear the song, you remember how you felt that night you were watching doctors screw around with other doctors while trying to save lives.

I miss singing.

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January

2012-01-15T02:06:00.001+08:00

An update on my productivity for 2012... Still non-existent. But at least I was able to cook an oil-based pasta dish. Super simple ingredients. Super quick. Supee yummy. But then again, anything would taste nice to a hungry person.

I used to have a phone pal before. every time I was on the phone with him, i'd be cooking instant pancit canton. Then he asked me, "you're fat, aren't you?" Uhm, i'm underweight. Thank you very much -_-'

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Resolutions

2012-01-02T01:51:00.001+08:00

day 1 finished. Sleepy. It's 2012, and I have been dormant for several months already. I want this year to be different from the other years of my life. my nee year's resolution is to have a list of resolutions. Whee!

finish one garment project per month

Cook something new once a month

Post them online

Eat 4 meals in a day for 4 days in a week. Breakfast :-\ I always forget to eat bfast.

Goodluck to me... Goodnight, world!

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Uhm

2011-11-10T23:15:00.001+08:00

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Drawing

2011-08-23T12:57:00.000+08:00

I'm learning how to draw! ^_^ but I can't upload the picture.. Aww..

Still trying to understand blogger. It's been a while

zippers

2010-01-14T20:43:00.001+08:00

matagal ko nang pinag-iisipan ito... madalas kasi tuwing sumasakay ako ng mrt, dun ako sa dulong car. co-ed kami dun. madalas din, nakakaupo ako dahil north avenue ang aking estasyon. iniisip ko minsan, paano kung yung lalaking nakatayo sa harap ko, bukas ang zipper. paano ko sasabihin sa kaniya? sasabihin ko ba sa kaniya? ano kaya ang gagawin ko kung mapunta ako sa ganung sitwasyon.

at dahil ako'y sinuswerte ngayong araw na ito *sarcastic* nangyari nga! hay nako... yung lalaking nakatayo sa harap ko ang kaawa-awang biktima ng open zipper syndrome XD hay nako! buti na lang huli na nang malaman ko. pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, umalis din siya sa harapan ko at naupo sa tabi ko. buti na lang.

lugay

2009-11-11T20:22:00.000+08:00

kapag maging presidente ako, o mayor, gagawa ako ng batas na magbabawal sa mga taong maglugay kung sila ay may mahabang buhok. lalu na kung nakasakay ka sa jeep, malakas ang hangin at nasa likod mo ako, kung ayaw mong putulin ko ang buhok mong bagong relax, itatali mo ito.

mahirap bang intindihin na may air resistance ang buhok kaya linilipad ito tuwing nahahanginan? at mahirap bang isipin na kahit manipis sila, kapag humataw ito sa balat, masakit talaga. 'te masakit po. para akong linalatigo ng iyong matigas na buhok. sa bawat hampas gusto kong sumigaw. gusto ko nang maglabas ng blade para aahitin ko na ang buhok mo. malas ko kasi maikli ang buhok ko. hindi ako makakaganti. hindi ko mapaparamdam sayo ang hapding nararamdaman ko sa tuwing iihip ang hangin. sana pala binigay ko sayo yung panali kong nakatago lang. mas magagamit mo pa yun kesa sakin.

i really hope people would learn to be more considerate. buti na lang hindi ako nasugatan ng matalim na buhok ni ate. buti na lang, kasi kung hindi, baka talaga naglabas na ako ng gunting at biglang maging parlorista ako ng di oras. haaaaaaayyyyyyy

sizzling haute

2009-09-11T09:08:00.000+08:00

there are two kinds of fashion: haute couture and pret-a-porter. may mga symbols sa taas ng letters pero siyempre tinatamad nako lagyan. pampaarte lang yun sakin. mga french talaga ang aarte. parang yung french fries. ayoko nun kasi maarte siya haha.

haute couture means high fashion. most people would think that anything that's sort of wearable na bonggang bongga ang level is haute couture. when you see an avant-garde piece you'd think, "ah that's haute!" but no, not necessarily. from wikipedia (i love wikipedia), it says there that haute couture

"refers to the creation of exclusive custom-fitted clothing. Haute couture is made to order for a specific customer, and it is usually made from high-quality, expensive fabric and sewn with extreme attention to detail and finish, often using time-consuming, hand-executed techniques."

and the term could only be used by fashion houses that meet standards set by the Chambre de commerce et d'industrie de Paris. Only those fashion houses who design made to order clothes, have a workshop that employs a certain number of workers and showcase their work every season through runway shows in paris can be called couture houses. haute couture is not too profitable. only about 7% of all fashion revenues are from haute couture. although it seems like a very glamorous career, the rich are still dressed by the poor. not very appealing to me.

pret-a-porter or ready-to-wear clothing are those that are made then hung on racks or placed on shelves. that's what you see at the boutiques you often visit during your weekends at the mall however bonggacious they may be, or not be.

wala lang. gusto ko lang i-share ^_^ haha

happiness

2009-09-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

happiness is a choice. that's what most people might say. sige ulit-ulitin mo pa yan pero kung nandiyan pa rin yung reason kung bakit ka malungkot, hindi ka pa rin genuinely sasaya.

the prospect of genuine happiness is what motivates me to keep moving forward. masaya naman ako ngayon. you'd always see me smiling but there's still something missing. so far i've found bits of it in my family, my friends, from going to church, and from the internet (yey ym). pero kulang pa rin... hindi pa 100% fulfilled. kapag matutulog nako, hindi ko masabi sa sarili ko na nagawa ko ang lahat ng kaya kong gawin.

gusto kong magbago. as in total make over. gusto ko malaman ang purpose ko. kulang na ata ako sa volunteer work. kulang nako sa interaction with people who need me. nahihiya nakong ako yung laging may kailangan. gusto ko ako naman ang nagbibigay. nalulungkot nanaman ako... feeling ko ang incapable ko. ayoko na madagdagan ang mga bloopers sa buhay ko. ayoko na maging malungkot.

lasing sa antok nanaman tong blog na to... hmph... haha

(i love lea salonga)

happiness
-lea salonga-

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream

Finding your skate key, telling the time

Happiness is learning to whistle

Tying your shoe for the very first time

Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band

And happiness is walking hand in hand

pashion

2009-09-05T19:01:00.000+08:00

today i learned how to draw diagonal lines, curved lines, and a combination of the two. now my fingers are in pain. oh noooo.....

new goal: by december i could draw. yeah. yan din sinabi ko last year. mukhang matutuloy na ngayon. xmas gift at bday gift ko na sa sarili ko hahaha.. i love myself

i'm still slightly depressed. oh well...

this week kailangan kong makapagtahi ng dalawang dress... well... itatransform ko lang naman yung mga luma kong chaka skirts (na nasulit ko sa folk dance) at gagawin ko silang tube dress. how complicated XD nagsawa na kasi ako sa de tali sa leeg na dress. for a change gawin nating mas simple ang buhay.

i hope i could get pictures para future mapapakita ko sa mga apo ko kung gaano ako kalandeeee. it's hard to take a picture of myself kasi especially since the light in my room, where the mirror is, is yellow. kailangan ko ng photographer na may matinong lights. haha

resurrection

2009-09-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

para akong namatay at nabuhay ulit... haha ang galing galing... siguro mas matinong term ay nagsuicide para mabuhay ulit at magsimula sa pagka toddler. parang bumalik ako sa nursery. feeling ko kasi yung mga ininvest ko noon ay pinamigay ko na sa C2 boys na pakalat-kalat sa UP. in short, hindi ko alam kung may mabuti pang paggagamitan ang mga pinag-aralan ko sa loob ng 9 na taon (5 - college, 4 - science high school). ang galing galing ko talaga pumili ng karir path. idol ko na talaga ang sarili ko. inantay ko munang makagraduate ako at mag-aral para sa board exam bago ko narealize na hindi naman talaga ito ang gusto ko.

ang problema ko kasi ehhhhh.... hindi ako sigurado kung magiging successful ako sa karir na gusto ko. take note, gusto. yes naman inamin ko na rin na ayoko sa chem. hahaha! ang hirap kasi masyado at hindi kaya ng munti kong utak. sure, call me a quitter. pero i did my best. at hindi ganun ka-attractive ang hazardous work environment sa isang laboratory. ayokong mabaog, please lang. ang katawan ko ay ginawa upang magdala ng bata. obvious naman sa laki ng boobs ko at lapad ng aking balakang diba? hahaha joke... pero seriously, gusto ko pa magkaroon ng baby kahit hindi ganoon kaganda ang aking jeans. chika. hay... may karapatan naman akong sumuko diba? minsan kailangan lang tanggapin na hindi ito ang tamang daan para sa akin. ang problema ko ngayon, hindi ako sigurado kung yung gusto kong career path ay yung tama. tinanong ko si Lord, sabi niya basahin ko sa bible. so far, hindi ko makita dun ang sagot. wala kasi akong mahanap na, "Laya, go lang" or "mas bagay yata sayong maging teacher" hahaha. bakit kasi literal ang pagkakaintindi ko noh? hahaha

sayang talaga. pero naisip ko rin, kung hindi ngayon, kelan ko pa gagawin ang gusto ko. at hanggang kailan ako magtitiis sa isang trabahong hindi ko kayang galingan kung alam ko namang may iba akong pwedeng gawin...

emo mode lang... haha. san ka pa kasi nakakilala ng isang chem graduate na nagbabalak maging fashion designer noh. winner nga daw ako. sobrang related kasi ang chem at design. siguro gagawin ko na lang inspiration ang graph ng potential energy ng electron. favorite graph ko yun eh. next yung phase diagram for two components ^_^

can't wait to go back to san mateo. gagawin kong dress yung mga skirt kong chaka. sabihan niyo lang ako kung kailangan niyo ng cocktail dress. yun nga lang kailangan kasing payat ninyo ako XD

limbo limbo rock

2009-09-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

i know i have posted blog entries with the title limbo. i don't want to use that same title again but i can't think of another word that could describe my current position. so i searched thesaurus.com

Main Entry:	limbo
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	state of uncertainty
Synonyms:	Siberia, demilitarized zone, left field, nothingness, nowhere, oblivion, out there
Antonyms:	certainty, certitude, sureness, surety

oh... so i'm currently in a demilitarized zone XD great. i am nothingness. i am nowhere.

actually, i am somewhere. i'm somewhere in between. at the boundery of normality and insanity. i am not bound by the chains of education yet i am still unemployed. i was supposed to allot the whole day for job hunting but i'm not sure which job i want to apply to. it's really frustrating not knowing what you want, or knowing what you want but not admitting that you want it to spare you from the joys of rejection. great.

Main Entry:	dead time
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	unproductive time
Synonyms:	downtime, insensitive time, limbo, time delay

Main Entry:	fool's paradise
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	illusory state of happiness
Synonyms:	castle in the air, chimera, delusive contentment, dreamscape, false hope, fond illusion, limbo, pipe dream, quixotic ideal, utopia

one day at a time... sana hindi ako maubusan ng days. bakit kasi sabay-sabay ang mga issue sa buhay ko eh... career, lovelife and faith. great. lahat ng yan nasa gitna pa rin ako. i wish i could find my place as soon as possible... *sigh*

precipitate

2009-08-31T18:28:00.000+08:00

dati, ang motto ko ay "no regrets" then it became "everything happens for a reason" ngayon ang motto ko na ay "if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate" XD

ayokong maging precipitate. ayokong maging solid thing na nagsesettle lang sa ilalim. sige, gusto ko maging colorful thing. but i'd rather be this colorful thing that's dissolved in the solution; fluid, active and dynamic.

i'm still stuggling, going back and forth from being dynamic to being stagnant. i'm trying to live one day at a time pero parang nauunahan ako ng takot at katamaran.

waaaaa... XD

moodswings... nalulungkot nanaman ako... kailangan ko ng schedule. ung seriosong schedule na kailangan kong sundin. kailangan ko ng discipline. naliligaw nanaman ako ng landas... sana bukas ok na...

~

nanaginip nanaman ako kanina ng weird. illogical weird. this usually happens when i'm about to get my period and my body is high on hormones and today is not one of those days. maybe its because there's a real issue that's bothering me. maybe it's my subconscious talking to me, telling me that i have to do something about it. i have to change and be a person that i'm supposed to be.

when i was young, i thought i was a nice person. maybe i was. i was kind to everyone and i did everything that my teachers told me to do. eventually i got exposed to the real world where i learned a lot of things that i'm not supposed to learn. great. now, there's no way i could unlearn. wala na ngang brain washing machine, wala pang unlearning machine. ang hirap talaga ng buhay. so now, i'm suffering the consequences of making bad decisions. great.

i miss having a conscience-person. i miss having someone look over my shoulder and check up on me. kailangan ko ng taong babatukan ako kapag lumalandi nanaman ako. bad laya *wapak*

talon!

2009-07-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

pantalon! bwahaha! tagal ko nang di gumagawa ng pantalon. tatlong pantalon ko na ang nabutas dahil sa lab. yung blue pants kong mukhang pajama (well... most of my pants look like pajamas) may red stain sa harap. natuluan ata ng 70% methanol. may butas pa. yung isa naman natuluan ata ng conc'd sulfuric acid. strong acid yun by the way. ayun, butas din. yung isa ko namang maong pants may crescent hole dahil sa katangahan. mabigat kasi yung boteng hawak ko. nakasquat ako sa sahig so ayun pinatong ko yung bote sa lap ko. ayun, nabutas. yey. stupid... haha

ang saya rin sa lab. pero tapos na yun. nag-resign nako sa trabaho ko. ang status ko ngayon ay unemployed. bakit? dahil nagresign ako para mag-aral para sa board exam. para mapilitan ako magboard exam. kasi kung di ko pa ituloy yun, nakakahiya naman sa lahat ng taong sinabihan ko na mageexam ako. waaa....

ayoko na sabihin dito ang maraming reasons ko para mag-back out. isa lang naman ang totoong reason eh: takot ako. hay... DUWAG!!!

*sigh*

nakakaaliw, tuwing iisipin ko ang fear, maaalala ko yung araw nung highschool na nakatambay kami sa creek. tinanong kami, "what is the opposite of faith?" sabi ko, "unfaithful?" hahaha! natawa naman sila. pero siyempre mali sagot ko. the right answer of course is fear. if you have faith, you have no reason to feel fear.

may nagsabi sa akin a few weeks ago, "take a leap of faith!" so sige. totoo na to. kahit hindi pa ako sigurado ngayon. kahit hindi pa natural sa akin ang faith. saan ba nakakabili ng faith? meron ba nun sa mercury drug? kasama ba yun sa mga pills na half price?

~

gusto ko pumasa sa board exam. hindi ko nasesense na kakailanganin ko ang lisensya sa gusto kong career path. pero gusto ko pa rin pumasa dahil gusto kong maging Chemist. parang doctor lang yan. hangga't di ka pumapasa sa boards di ka pa matatawag na doc. hangga't wala pa akong license, hindi pa ako matatawag na Chemist. maliit pa lang ako pangarap ko nang maging chemist. maliit pa rin ako at gusto ko pa rin maging Chemist ^_^

zombies

2009-02-22T09:06:00.000+08:00

we watched this movie on cable about this virus that infects people and causes them to be detached and somewhat zombie like. it stars nicole kidman and that guy from the latest james bond. nicole kidman's character was a psychiatrist who had patients complaining about their husbands not being themselves. a certain patient told her that she would throw plates and glasses at her husband but he just wouldn't bulge. normally he would fight back and be furious. it's like he didn't care. she'd kiss him but it doesn't feel the same. it's not him.

i didn't catch the title of the movie. it reminded me of i am legend, exept that in this movie, they were only starting to become zombies. they didn't die right away. but they were lifeless. they had no emotion. they would stare with their empty eyes.

happy ending naman. haha! ang pretty talaga ni nicole kidman.

dapat yata nasa reviews to :p

buntis

2009-01-23T07:50:00.000+08:00

akala ko tapos na yung phase ng buhay ko kung saan napapalibutan ako ng mga buntis. hindi pala ito phase. ito na yata ang buhay ko. sa unang trabaho ko, tinanggap ako kasi buntis yung isang employee nila. sa feb/march ata due. december pa lang nagresign nako. hahaha! ngayon naman, sa june ata o may due. next week magsastart nako para ma-train nako bago pa siya umalis. puro na lang buntis. tsk... maybe it's my destiny to be with buntis people. is it a sign that i myself would be buntis too?

nagpa-ultrasound ako a few weeks ago. nung nakuha ko na yung results siyempre tinanong agad ng kapatid ko, "ilang buwan na?" hindi ko alam kung ano isasagot ko... for those who don't know, counting starts on the first day of the last period. may iba kasi na sa last day nagbibilang, yan tuloy akala nila napaaga ang kanilang panganganak.

ayan ang picture ng ultrasound ko. kung di ninyo nakikita, wala talaga kayong makikitang picture ng baby dahil hindi ako buntis. they did find cysts in my kidney. implications? wala naman. i might have to undergo a kidney transplant when i'm about 50 years pero matagal pa yun. kailangan ko na mag-ipon ng pera. haha...

end

2008-11-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

goodbye clothing tech. i don't think i would be able to take CT in UP. there are other ways i can learn about sewing and fashion. there's school of fashion and the arts (sofa) and fashion institute of the philippines. not the same quality as UP education. and also more expensive. pero wala nakong magagawa. ganyan talaga ang tadhana. gusto niya talaga akong maging chemist kahit gusto ko nang kalimutan ng tuluyan ang phychem at inorganic chem. hay...

goodbye Naturale Labs, Inc. being a sales admin assistant was ok but it just isn't me. i took the job to have a vacation from chem (cool off kami ni chem) while making money (not much). but it wasn't what i was expecting. far from the vacation i wanted. my boss finally signed my resignation letter today. yey!

can't wait til i see the lab at san mateo. handa na akong maging robot ng quality assurance. haha!

cold

2008-09-25T08:47:00.000+08:00

brr... it's cold in here... i miss your hugs... *sigh* i miss you...

ginagawa ko nanamang shrine mo itong blog ko... hahaha!

konting tiis... ilang buwan na lang april na... ^_^

black board

2008-09-15T19:30:00.000+08:00

tapos na ang board exam ng chem. hindi ako pumasa... siyempre kasi hindi ako nag-exam... bwahahaha!!!
congrats sa mga pumasa! ^_^ i'm so proud of you. you really deserve it!
sa mga hindi pumasa, ok lang yan. it's just a piece of paper you can take again next year. don't worry about it. diba nga it's not the number of times we fall, but the number of times we stand up after each fall. ayun, drama. haha

~

ayoko na muna magsulat tungkol sa plano ko sa buhay. baka hindi matuloy eh... surprise ko na lang kayo. wag kang mag-alala, buhay ko to. marunong naman ako mag-gitara. may amp ako at madaling humiram ng shades. kung wala nakong pera pupuwesto lang ako sa overpass sa philcoa :p

5 years

2008-08-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

i'm trying to gather my thoughts regarding my long term goals, which is totally new to me. i hate planning in a long term scale.

i always plan my days to the very minute details. i have a calendar where i keep track of my appointments. though i love surprises, it stresses me out when surprises ruin my schedule. i would almost instantly die if i lose my calendar. yung mga utang, hindi ko pwedeng mawala -_-'

i have plans for tomorrow, for next week, for the whole of september and a few dates-to-remember until december. beyond that, i'm lost.

the hardest questions for me during a job interview involve my strengths and weaknesses. next hardest question would be "how do you see yourself in 5 years?" my real answer would be, "i still don't know. whatever comes" but the answer they want to hear would of course be anything that would involve you working for their company at a higher than entry level. i try to tell the HR personnel the latter. but i can't lie. laging may pag-aalangan.

ask me about 50 years from now, then i'd say that i can see myself having a family with at least 2 kids, one boy, one girl, hopefully more. i can see myself having a comfortable life. 20 years from now, i would have established my own brand of clothing or at least open a small shop (randolf, hindi ko pa nakakalimutan yung deal natin) how i'd get there is still a blur.

i'm sleepy, but i needed to write this down. i need to remind myself that there are things in store for me, i just need to work hard and find the means to get there. i've been depressed lately (hindi obvious noh? di kasi ako nakakablog ng madalas) because the deadline for the application for the board exams has passed. it was the day i had a job interview scheduled. it was a do or die day. i could go to chem and beg for a copy of my thesis approval sheet and go straight to prc and file for the application, or, i could go to the interview. it was either a sign or a coincidence that there was a storm that day. classes were suspended, i was too lazy to get up and attend my interview. the day ended. i will not be a chemist. gawd... that's almost a hundred formal reports down the drain. saan ko na gagamitin yung lab gown ko? sayang naman... hay... pero wala naman yun sa plano ko in the first place, so bakit ako depressed? kasi nakakalungkot pa rin. tanggapin niyo na lang na nakakalungkot. i barely prepared for it, honestly. i just spent my summer's weekends at the review center. spent money for travel and food and luho. it was still somewhat a waste.

kapag may magtatanong sa akin kung may trabaho na ako, sasabihin ko "nagrereview ako para sa board exams" which is true. a lot of people are expecting me to take the exam on september. hahanapin nila ang pangalan ko sa listahan na lalabas a few months after the exam. hindi nila makikita pangalan ko... iisipin nila na bobo ako at hindi ako pumasa. maaawa sila sa akin kaya hindi nila itatanong sa akin. hindi ko naman inanounce na di nako mageexam eh, so paano nila malalaman? anyway, bahala na sila. hindi ko naman talaga gustong maging chemist. natutuwa lang akong pag-aralan ang chem. ang saya mag-experiment. ang sarap mag-trouble shoot ng lab equiptment. ang sarap suminghot ng toluene at ethyl acetate sa lab. there's a certain high whenever i'm at the laboratory studying. pero eventually nawawala rin yung high. it lasts for a few hours then marereplace ng fatigue. i just can't imagine myself being in that kind of work environment. ang defensive masyado... hahaha. basta, ayoko na ng chem. hindi na ako magboboard exam this year. baka next year na lang. bahala na.

it took me 5 years to finish a bachelor's degree in chemistry. one day to decide my future... grabe, it took me a while before i could process this fact... shit... di nako magiging chemist... bahala na...

mahalay

2008-08-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

If you were pregnant, would your parents make you keep the baby?
yes. because by then i'd be married

What was the first cigarette you ever smoked?
forgot

Would you like to fall in love in the next few months?
yes of course. being in love is fun

Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin?
eww... no

Do you like your dentist?
yup

What are the two numbers in your weight?
90 sana hay haha

Do you have a favorite Leonardo DiCaprio movie?
titanic? eww... hahaha! romeo and juliet na lang

What was the reason you last recieved flowers?
they were giving away roses at my friend's function for hrim... they were pretty

Do you have any neat scars?
nope. my scars just show how clumsy i am

Have you ever donated blood?
can't

What did you do for Valentine's day?
hung out at up with the love of my life

Have you ever joined a gym?
nope

Do you know what highschool your father went to?
nope... i forgot

Are any of your mom's siblings married?
all of them are married

Did you tell the last person you had a crush on and your feelings for them?
of course ^_^ i'm too obvious... i had to tell him... mwah!

Are you lusting after anyone at the moment?
ang bantot naman ng term

Do you eat breakfast daily?
nope... churi naman

Are you irish?
nope

Have you ever been to SeaWorld?
ner

List the people that live in your home from tallest to shortest?
err... tamad ako

Who was the last person to cook dinner?
our house help

Is having sex on your mind?
only on my mind

What color is your bra?
now? pink... hahaha

Do you answer the phones at your job?
unemployed pa rin haha

Who was the last person to break up with you?
who else? ^_^

Other than an ashtray, what else have you used?
i don't smoke

What was the last type of vodka you consumed?
i've never tried drinking vodka. gin lang kami forever. di nako umiinom ngayon. there's no sense

What movie do you really want to see?
im not really a movie fan. i just love to hang out with friends

What time will you be getting up this morning?
doesn't matter

Who was the last person you flirted with?
who else ^_^

What do snitches get?
what do i care...

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
sleepy haha

How many candles were on your last birthday cake?
hmm... forgot hahaha

Forget having a drunken night in Mexico, have you ever actually been there?
haha as if

Are guys in white tees and jeans attractive?
doesn't matter what they wear... as long as he has abs, that would be enough

Who was the last person you fooled around with?
nyahahaha! who else

Did 11:11 already pass?
yup

Does your car have a name?
i wish

What's on your agenda for tomorrow?
sleep

Any weekend plans?
next weekend? no plans

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
nope... mga isang oras pa

someday

2008-07-14T18:26:00.001+08:00

someday... everything will be in its right place. someday... not today...
today i will stay at home
today i will share some time with my family
today i will hang out with my friends
today i will try my luck with finding decent clothes
and of course today i will update myself with the web.

today i will not meet up with the love of my life
today i will not contribute to the improvement of our country's economy
today i am still a loser
today i am still a bum

someday i will find a decent job
someday i will be reunited with the love of my life
someday i will be able to stand on my own two feet
someday i will get what i want for myself

~

if things don't turn out ok, i will try my luck with pointwest or safeway philtech. that would be 3 months from now. for now i will practice my people skills. sad to day, i've sort of wiped out the thought of taking the boards this september. i'm just not in the mood for more chem. i'm to darn scared i might fail. i know i will fail. hell... i don't even study. i'll try to study when i get the rhythm. a license is still a license. it doesn't hurt to have more credentials, even if it's irrelevant...

entrepreneur... yey... tama spelling ko...

someday... nothing is certain until it's in front of me... nyahaha

job hunting

2008-07-11T07:48:00.000+08:00

We can't always have total control over everything that occurs around us. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that we are just an entity in a population of job hunters in the world. With only my resume and my transcript as my weapons, what chance do I stand against those who hold certificates of employment and higher degrees of education? I did my best to package myself in a way that I feel would emphasize my strengths, but an interview doesn't do justice to what my true potentials are. Unfortunately, in the real world, the basis for getting a job offer were not made to favor the applicant, but the company who needs the employee. I just have to try harder in finding the right company for me.

monthsary

2008-06-17T05:45:00.000+08:00

i don't like celebrating monthsaries. is it really such a great feat for a relationship to last a month? maybe when a relationship is still young, a month seems so long. baka mayabang lang ako noon kaya ayokong aminin na matagal ang isang buwan. if it's meant to last forever, a month doesn't really make such a difference...

ngayon, parang ang tagal ng isang buwan. dalawang buwan pa lang pero pakiramdam ko anim na buwan na ang nakaraan.

break... pero joke lang. tayo pa rin. ang alam ng lahat tayo pa rin. hindi kasi halata. wala naman difference pero meron pa rin. it's the formality that's missing. and it's taking so long to process. isang taon bago maging legal. nakakainip. parang ang tagal masyado. gusto ko nang dumating ang araw na iyon. gusto ko nang bumalik sa "tayo" ngayon. pero hindi pwede. malas.

dalawang buwan na ang nakalipas. sampung buwan na lang.

tamad

2008-06-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

it's so nakakatakot to make tulog... it's like hard to let go of the gabi. it's like i'm making surrender na to the magical panaginip creature. today is like perfect na nga eh. pero like parang may something that's making kapit to me pa rin, asking me not to leave today in fear of bukas. like freaky, i know right.

sleeping is like the pangwakas of the araw today. kasi once you make gising, it's today na tomorrow. ow-em-gee right? am i the nag-iisang making panic?

~

it's just one of those araw that i'm in hate with words. i'm like... gah! i'm rebelde na.

words words words... i hate you na talaga... hamph... break na nga us... now na...

i hate writer's block... maybe it's because my life's not emo enough. nothing in my own life is worth slashing my wrist or applying black eyeliner. i'll just have to accept the fact that i have a happy life... gah... ang daya talaga -_-'

kaya pala

2008-06-15T14:15:00.000+08:00

insecure kasi ako... tsk...
makasarili pa
kaya ako nahihirapan ngayon
pero masyado akong ma-pride para magbago
tinatamad na rin akong tumayo at pagalawin ang katawan
matanda na yata ako masyado
hindi ko na maaabot kung ngayon lang ako magsimula
kailangan ko na yatang sumuko
at taguan ang mapanghusgang mga tingin ng mga tao

hindi ko kakayanin

blog

2008-06-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

posible rin pala akong magka-writer's block... noon kasi, basta iharap mo ako sa laptop, ilapag ang mga daliri sa keyboard, at bigyan ng oras eh makakapagsulat na ako. kadalasan pa nga, pauwi pa lang ako ng bahay gumagawa nako ng "draft" ng isusulat ko sa blog ko pagka-uwi ko. ang dali lang talaga magsulat. type lang ng type kahit anong pumasok sa isip ko. kasing bilis naman yata ng thought process ko yung words per minute ko eh. opcors nag-typing tutor ako nung bata pa ako. nakaka 45 words per minute ata ako noon... hindi ko na alam ngayon... wala na kaming typing tutor...

mas madali ang buhay noon nung wala pang nakakaalam ng blog ko. yung tipong magsusulat lang ako kasi gusto kong mag-sulat. hindi ako nagsusulat para sa mambabasa ko... di tulad ngayon. kahit sinasabi kong "blog ko to, paki ko sa inyo" mahirap namang kalimutan na lang bigla ang mga magbabasa. may image pa rin akong pinapangalagaan. kahit pa kilala ako bilang taong walang pakialam sa iniisip ng iba, sa totoo lang, may pakialam ako! gusto kong isipin nilang wala akong pakialam.

i've become an advertisement. pressured to be catchy and flashy. pressured to have perfect spelling and grammar. gawd... capitalism sucks

mcdo

2008-06-13T13:39:00.001+08:00

ang tagal na pala nung huling bumisita ako sa mcdo noh... kasi matagal na akong hindi nag-eexam, ngayon lang ulit. natrauma rin siguro nung nagbagong anyo ang mcdo. pero kailangan ko ng lugar kung saan maliwanag at may disenteng table. ganun lang talaga, hindi ko kaya mag-aral dito sa bahay namin kaya kailangan ko munang makipag-bonding kay mcdo at kay kuya bodgie. feeling ko feeling ni kuya bodgie na stalker niya ako kasi lagi na lang kami nagkikita sa mcdo. haha!

as usual, pop songs ang pinapatugtog... yung "apple bottom jeans" tsaka "keep bleeding love" tsaka "just like a tatoo" tsaka "you!!!" tsaka "clumsy coz i'm falling in love" nakalimutan ko na yung iba... haha! dalawang beses umulit yung cd eh. hindi man lang naka-shuffle. tsk... nagsawa rin ata yung dj ng mcdo at pinalitan na ng instrumental na medyo hindi ko maalala. nadistract kasi ako sa dramang nagaganap sa kabilang table...

there was this dad and his kids who bought the kiddie meal. the girl was younger than the boy... maybe 4 years old. baka 6 na yung little boy. kuya ang tawag sa kaniya ng dad. kasama nila yung yaya nila.

"daddddiiiiiiiii.... open my tooooooooyyyyyyy" repeat 10 times.
"kuya, ayan ka nanaman." sabi ng dad dun sa boy... hahaha! tas hindi na niya pinansin yung anak niya.

naisip ko lang, bahala na yung asawa kong mag-discipline sa mga anak ko. ang hirap kasi tumanggi minsan. ang hirap din hindi magalit. hmm...

~

i should start studying... as in seriously studying chemistry. we're having long exams every other weekend and soon after we'll be having our mock boards... then finally the board exam on september...

kung mag-aaral ako lagi sa mcdo, madami akong maaaral. pero madami rin akong magagastos... pero tataba naman ako sa dami ng calories na macoconsume ko... hmm...

bahala na :p

~

mandatory post lang. tagal ko nang di nagboblog eh ^_^

stress

2008-06-06T20:40:00.000+08:00

allergic ata ako sa stress... hay... namamanhid dila ko... minsan namamanhid din fingers ko...

from now on, i will follow a strict routine. i will sleep early and wake up early. itataga ko na sa bato. bawal na ako mastress... ayoko pa mamatay... :(

evidence

2008-06-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

-urbandub-

Time has a way of healing, or so they say
So why am I still left here cryin'?
Caught in these ways of emotions as people stare
I find there's no real place for me to hide

Well I've been trying in vain
Was only fooling myself
With each passing day
The pain still stays the same

Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you

What more is it that you need
Right now clearly it's not me
With every minute that I gave to you
The punches that I took from you
Why was there no warning love?
What more is it that you need
Right now clearly it's not me
Despite everything I did for you
Excused if i'm surprised
was the moment that I found out that we were through

Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you

When everything seemed alright
You turn and break my heart
Didn't I deserve your love?
It kills me inside to think of his arms
Wrapped around you now,
Is he a better lover than I?

Well I've been trying in vain
Was only fooling myself
With each passing day
The pain still stays the same

Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Time has a way of healing, or so they say
So why am I still left here?

~

i've been dying everyday since then...

~

i can actually imagine myself bathing in blood if ever i'm in that situation... damn... nightmare... cheaters... tsk... why can't you be satisfied with just one? how can you be in love with two guys at the same time? that's not love. that's just selfish. a lot of women are being emo because they can't seem to find the right guy for them, and you, you're feasting with two hot guys? damn... mamigay ka man lang sana... or at least let the other guy be ugly. right? hmph...

the last time i got this angry with a song was for listen by stonefree. i hated that song... hmph... pathetic... asking a girl to be a replacement. hmph... magsama kayo nung cheater sa evidence. hmph...

di ko pa pala napapanood yung video ng listen ah... parang wala ata. pangit masyado magiging itsura. hmph

distance

2008-05-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

"I am Preston Burke. A widely renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. I am a professional. And more than that I am a good and kind person. I am a person that cleans up behind myself. I am a person that cooks well [gestures towards the kitchen]. And you, YOU are an unbelievable slob. (Cristina looks down at the mess she made on the bed) A slovenly angry intern. I am PRESTON BURKE. And you, you are the most competitive, most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met. And I love you. What the hell is the matter with you that you just won't let me?"

grey's anatomy

classify

2008-05-24T23:58:00.001+08:00

sawa nako! ngayon lang nangyari sa akin na nagsasawa ako sa pagbabasa ng blogs! grabe... hahaha!

sa mga di nakakaalam, ako ay kasalukuyang rumaraket bilang isang website categorizer. binabayaran ako (ng sobrang liit) upang puntahan ang mga website na ibibigay nila sa akin, at sasabihin ko kung tungkol saan ang laman nito. no-brainer. habang nanonood ng tv at habang nagchachat pwedeng gawin. pero kailan lang ako'y padalan ng mensahe ng aking boss. mababa daw productivity ko. hahaha! in short, tamad daw ako. hahahaha! seriosohin ko daw ang trabaho. edi sineserioso ko na nga... pero kamusta naman kung apat na oras tuloy tuloy eh blogspot ang nakikita ko diba?

di tulad ng ordinaryong website, kadalasan puro salita ang laman ng blogs. kailangang basahin. di tulad ng porn sites na normal, obvious mula sa mga gumagalaw na litrato ang hangarin ng may ari ng site na iyon. ang sex blogs, kailangan mo muna basahin para malaman kung buong site ay tungkol nga sa sex. hahaha! sencia naman... yun talaga ang pinakamadaling example eh... :p

nakakasawa rin magbasa... serioso... nakakafrustrate lalu kung mabagal ang internet connection at ang pc mo mismo. pati kung hindi focused on one topic ang blog na icaclassify ko. mabuti pa yung mga website ng companies, alam mo agad kung ano ang purpose nila in life. eh kung tulad ko ang may ari ng blogs na kailangan kong iclassify, diverse ang topics ko. pero may ibang sort of specific ang topics. merong isang tungkol sa computers at programing. ayus, edi classified siya under computers. pero may isang entry na tungkol sa personal na nangyari sa buhay niya, edi nalito na ako kung anong klaseng site siya noh?

hahaha!

nakakabaliw... nakakahilo...

ano kayang gagawin ko kung biglang makita ko yung blog ko sa listahan noh? icaclassify ko siya under porn para di na nila mapuntahan ulit... hahahahahaha! =))

green links

2008-05-24T17:15:00.000+08:00

http://www.renewableenergyworld.com/rea/tech/home

http://www.engr.psu.edu/ce/enve/mfc-Logan_files/mfc-makeone.htm

http://www.instructables.com/id/personal-powerPlant/

dahil ayaw natin magkaroon ng monopolyo sa kuryente at dahil kuripot ako.

tears

2008-05-19T18:32:00.000+08:00

Weeping willow with your tears running down
why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
Is it because he could not stay?
On your branches he would swing
Do you long for the happiness that day would bring?
He found shelter in your shade
he thought his laughter would never fade
Weeping willow stop your tears
for there is something to calm your fears
You think death has ripped you forever apart
but I know he'll always be in your heart

-vada, my girl (1991)

~

minsan sa sobrang tagal kong umiyak, nakakalimutan ko na kung bakit ako umiiyak... lalu tuloy mahirap patigilin... -_-'

when i was still in grade school, one of my classmates told me this story about this girl who never stopped crying. she cried so much that they used her tears for the water in their swimming pool. eventually the pool began to turn red... may katapusan din pala ang pagluha...

wala

2008-05-19T09:10:00.000+08:00

To be silent the whole day long, see no newspaper, hear no radio, listen to no gossip, be thoroughly and completely lazy, thoroughly and completely indifferent to the fate of the world is the finest medicine a woman can give herself.
source: http://easilyaroused.tumblr.com/

cramps

2008-03-31T09:58:00.000+08:00

Dysmenorrhea means painful menstruation and is classified as primary (from the onset of menstruation) or secondary (due to some physical cause and usually of later onset). The uterus is a muscle. Like all muscles, it contracts and relaxes. Most uterine contractions are never noticed, but strong ones are painful. During strong contractions, the uterus may contract too strongly or too frequently, causing the blood supply to the uterus to be temporarily cut off. This deprives the muscle of oxygen, causing pain. In addition to painful uterine cramping with menses, women with dysmenorrhea may experience nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, weakness, and/or fainting. Symptoms may vary in severity from cycle to cycle, but generally continue throughout the reproductive years. Dysmenorrhea can be an incapacitating problem, causing significant disruption in a woman's life each month.

source: http://www.mckinley.uiuc.edu/Handouts/menstrual_cramps.html

funny... di pala talaga ako immune... bihira ako magkamestrual cramps eh. wrong timing talaga >_<

dalawang exam at isang bound thesis na lang... T_T

bawal magsuicide. mag clusivol everyday

ideal

2008-03-20T10:37:00.000+08:00

perfect haha... i'm not sure if i chose my answers based on -his- personality... just shows that he is my ideal man. the artist. the ninja. the family guy ^_^ i'm so lucky... at linalanggam nanaman ako dito... bwahahahahahaha! sorry... procrastinating again...

Who Is Your Ideal Leading Man?

Created by BuddyTV

tatlo

2008-03-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

3 (three) is a number, numeral and glyph. It is the natural number following 2 and preceding 4. (wikipedia da bes)
my favorite number to use nang di na pinagiisipan. basta tatlo.

ang bilang naming magkakapatid.
bilang ng skyflakes sa isang pack.
bilang ng mentos na mabibili sa halagang P2.
number of sides in a triangle. pinakastable na churva.
number of roses na binibigay ng mga manliligaw sa liniligawan.
ang minimum number of replicates sa anti-microbial assay.
the number of judges on american idol.
the number of judges on project runway (not including the guest judge)
the number of judges on america's next top model (not including the guest judge)
the number of judges nung laban ni paquiao (di ko sure to... haha)
ang bilang ng mga pelikula sa isang trilogy
the perfect number of movies kung gusto mong gawing series (4 is just pushing it. haha. subukan lang nilang gumawa ng high school musical 4... sus)
odd.
prime.
kabilang sa fibonacci series.

*from wiki ulit:

Threesome is a term for sexual relations between three people.
The number 3 is often used as a literary device to provoke a feeling of unnaturalness, as twos limbs, hemispheres, eyes, etc). This is a prevailing theme Ray Bradbury's novel Fahrenheit 451. The aliens and their machines in the 2005 film War of the Worlds were associated with features recurring in threes: eyes, legs, fingers, etc, for this same reason.
The standard number of lives in most arcade video games, such as Pac-Man, Super Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog and Mega Man.
Three is the atomic number of lithium (Lithium is also the 33rd most abundant element on Earth).
Atoms consist of three constituents: protons, neutrons, and electrons.
3 types of molecular bond: Covalent~ Ionic~ Polar Covalent (Dative or Coordinate)
3 isomerism types: Structural (Ethyl alcohol) ~ Geometric (Maleic acid) ~ Optical (L-Lactic acid)
3 hydrocarbon chain types: Straight (Propane)~ Branched (Isobutane)~ Circular (Cyclopropane)
3 basic chemical reaction substances: Acids~ Bases~ Salts
There are three main Abrahamic religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
The Holy Trinity in Christian doctrine (or trinity in general), is God both as a single being and three persons: the Father, the Son and the Spirit. This is also known as Tripartite division.
Jesus spread Christianity for 3 years.
Jesus rose from the dead on the third day after his death.
Jesus predicted that Peter would deny him three times.
The Wise Men who visited Jesus after His birth left Him three gifts.

ang pinakaaasam kong grado.
third base.
three's a crowd.
power of three.
three wishes.
1... 2... 3... jump!

blue

2008-02-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

-panaginip-
nasa mahabang road trip ako. biglang nagtxt kaibigan ko. "since walang available sa inyo, sa may katipunan na lang tayo pumunta. sa mt. apo" then ateneo's image flashed on my mind. madami kasing di pwede sa naunang napropose na venue para sa isang malaking lakad. tagaytay ata yung una. eh di nanaman ako pwede. nasa lakad ako ngayon. hay... di nako nakakasama sa mga lakad...

a group of less than 10 guys were walking behind me. there were also two girls. malalim ang tubig. mahirap pumunta sa kabilang dulo ng kalye. hinubad ko tsinelas ko. magswimming na lang ako. mahirap rin magswimming kung may hawak. lumapit ang isang lalaki. "iitsa mo lang yan. pagdating sa dulo nandun pa rin yan" edi initsa ko nga sa gilid ang tsinelas ko. pinuntahan ko para tingnan kung ayus pa ang tsinelas ko. baligtad na siya. naghanap ako ng damit sa bag ko. may nakita ako. binalik sa supot. ipinasok sa bag. paglingon ko, naunahan nako ng babae. bigla na lang akong hinatak ng lalaki at tinulungan akong makarating sa dulo. nakarating naman ako.

-end-

monochromatic dream. black, white and blue. the drawing of my slippers were blue. sketched into paper using blue colored pencil. the piece of clothing from my blue bag was also blue. i didn't notice if my knight in shining armour was wearing a shirt. tsk... he was swimming. siguro naman wala siyang shirt diba? pero di ko napansin. hahaha! sayang

vday

2008-02-17T19:38:00.000+08:00

bakit parang pasko lang ang balentayns day? ang tagal na nun pero gusto ko lang talaga isulat. parang pasko! there's txt traffic... messages could not be sent or if they are sent, they are delayed. everyone's greeting each other "api bayentayns dei" like you're supposed to say it or else you'd die...

it's weird... what with valentines day anyway? it's but an invention of the hallmark company. an evidence of commercialization. a diabetic's nightmare. mushy to the next level. cheesiest of cheesiest. and yet i'm here, talking about it.

a day when individuals become pairs. i told my boyfriend that i don't want to be one of those typical couples. i even asked him not to show up on valentines day. haha

i was supposed to meet my close male friend (purely platonic. yes we were supped to have a date on vday. haha) but he canceled on the last minute. thank goodness my boyfriend was able to keep me company. it was fine, i told him, just as long as he doesn't to anything mushy... but no, to my surprise, he went up to me carrying a white paper rose he made himself.. we ate dinner, his treat, at a small restaurant, then we watched a choir sing love songs (it was purely a coincidence that they were there... we were lucky i guess)... ants were eating us alive. it was the perfect valentine's day

moral of the story, you can't escape the curse of valentines day... celebrate just because you have no choice

calendar

2008-02-10T20:28:00.000+08:00

as of now, i've proven that i am blooming when i am ovulating, i am haggard when i have my period, and that pms is not an excuse to be a cry baby. i really do get depressed easily when i'm about to have my period.

i thank you.

bow.

perfect

2008-02-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

just something i want to remember... ^_^

my cousin and i were talking about kakikayan when she told me that she saw this celebrity eating at some restaurant along katips. they were sweet and they were nagsusubuan. like oh my gosh so kakakilig *sweat drop* yah, you get the picture. i asked her if she was inggit. she said she was. so i told her not to be inggit because it's not really that great an experience to flaunt your sweetness to the world in a very sappy way.

pda is ok. holding hands. innocent hugs. light kisses on the cheek. it's fine. but totally-can't-get-their-hands-off-each-other or eating-each-other's-faces kind of pda. especially the please-get-a-room or please-leave-room-for-our-imagination type of pda is not really pleasing to the eyes. maybe that celebrity's pda wasn't to that extent but still, people shouldn't have reason to be envious of people being shappy and uber shweet.

anything intimate should be shared only by these two souls. if it's really "special", they'd wait until they get their privacy. maawa ka sa kanila dahil wala silang lugar kung saan mayroon silang privacy.

i should listen to myself... pda bad... bad pda...

*slaps hands*

~

nothing is perfect. tomorrow is a new day... past is past so grow up and learn...

promotions

2008-01-25T15:42:00.000+08:00

i think they banned this commercial of frenzy condoms where there's this teen couple thinking about which flavor of condoms they'd buy. it's an evil commercial because it promotes premarital sex and it is being played during prime time. since the philippines is a conservative country, this is totally wrong.

sana ang na-ban na lang na commercial is that commercial of trust condoms. i find it totally annoying how winnie talks about it in a sort-of-serious-yet-totally-hip-and-weird way. it is true that people need to know, pero sana hindi during dinner time kung kailan kumakain ako. minsan ko na nga lang masilayang tv, boses pa niya maririnig ko. it just makes me realize how little people know about it that there is a need to produce an "informative" commercial about it.

~

is there actually proof that the frenzy commercial caused an increase in the occurence of PMS? balita ko kasi, may PMS na bago pa naimbento ang kondom. banning a condom commercial won't stop teens from engaging in intercouse. mabuti nga't may paraan na pwede nilang gawin yun nang di nasisira ang kanilang kinabukasan...

it happens. you can't control what teens do when they're not under your roofs. the least you can do is educate them. curiosity is your enemy.

liberal

2008-01-25T08:50:00.000+08:00

procrastinating as usual...

incoherent post...

parental guidance is advised... hahahaha...

patay na si heath ledger
baka daw suicide, baka aksidente
kung matagpuan nyo akong patay sa aking kama at walang saplot...
(mali... hindi niyo ako matatagpuang patay at walang saplot
pero malay niyo... hahaha)
if ever, hindi yun suicide. foreplay yun... ay mali! foul play pala... hahaha

sabi ni sir leoncio co, pi100 prof ko, kapag mag-asawa daw kaming mga babae, dapat may pre-nup agreement kami. para kung gago ang aming asawa, di kami maiiwang kawawa at hindi lang basta tangayin ng lalaki ang aming kayamanan
ideal beauty si maria clara pero hindi praktikal
sabi ni sir ang rason ng aming pagkakalikha ay para sa mga lalaki
nagpapaganda para sa lalaki
naglilingkod sa lalaki
masasabi lang ni sir na liberal ang isang babae kung hindi siya nag-aahit ng buhok sa kilikili
di ako nag-aahit ng buhok sa kilikili dahil tinatamad ako... does that mean liberal akong babae?

to a certain point, siguro nga liberal ako dahil kumpara sa sinaunang panahon, mas marami nakong alam. hindi na ako madaling mauto ng lalaki. alam kong pantay ang karapatan ng lalaki at babae. liberal ako dahil ang pinili kong lalaki ay mataas ang respeto sa babae. alam kong hindi niya ako pipigilang gawin ang nais ko. pero hindi kami liberal. it's society's fault. it brainwashed me into thinking like a damsel in distress. it's just like the little girl's dream to be swept away by her prince charming... ayun. i found my real life price charming. toink. di ako liberal...

medyo liberal

kapag sabihing liberal iniisip ng mga tao eh tungkol sa mindset about sex, as opposed to conservative na tipong mahawakan lang ang kamay eh magpapakasal na dapat sila.

kasama rin siguro yun... medyo liberal nga ako. hahaha

i know that pre-marital sex exists in this world. i know that people do it and i don't care about the statistics. but i bet there's at least one teenage/non-married couple in the philippines who are doing it right this very moment. maybe more. haha. doesn't matter. what matters is that i'm not doing it now, and never will as long as i'm not yet married.

i've got a mind of my own. i am a female and i will never be a slave to man. pero magsheshave pa rin ako... haha!

sige na nga mag-aaral na ako. para magkaroon ako ng trabaho para di ako aasa sa asawa ko para sa pera hahahaha!

sendinyal

2008-01-08T18:09:00.000+08:00

unang beses kong makakita ng mga taong kusang tumatalon ng eroplano. ang galing! konpeti na pinapasabog mula sa helikapter. at sandaang nagliliyab na kahoy ang umikot sa oval. napakadaming kalat! napakadaming usok! para lang sa selebrasyon ng ika sandaang taon ng unibersidad... hay...
so much happening... so many people... call me kill joy but i still choose staying home and watching tv ^_~
too bad i missed ng concert... i still choose comfort

mukhang pahinga muna ako buong linggo... sana next week akadmode na talaga ako... sana may gana nako.... hay... gagwadweyt dn akuuuuuu

bago

2008-01-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

maligayang pagdating sa'yo, 2008. sana'y maging kumportable ka sa iyong pananatili. sana hindi masyadong kumportable dahil aalis ka rin matapos ang isang taon, pero tama lang dahil matagal rin naman ang isang taon. buti na lang dumating ka na dahil napapagod na si 2007 sa kakaantay na matapos ang kanyang panahon. nag-enjoy naman yata siya... dapat lang. isang taon lang ang buhay niya. sayang naman kung di siya nagenjoy... ^_^

salamat sayo 2007 at nakilala ko muli ang aking soulmate. sana lalung maging matatag ang aming pagsasama dahil kay 2008.
salamat 2007 dahil may napasa naman ako. sana tulungan mo ako, 2008, na ipasa ang mga di ko pinasa. hahaha! sana tulungan mo akong maging masipag.
salamat 2007 dahil pinayagan mo akong magtagal pa sa eskwelahan. 2008, turuan mo akong tanggapin na parte ng buhay ang pagtanda at pag-iwan sa mga kailangang iwanan.
salamat 2007 sa pagtitiyaga. 2008, kakayanin natin to!

chain letter

2007-12-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

got this from pat ^_^ hehe... it's a chain letter. it was written by a guy... natuwa lang ako... wahahahaha! oo na linalanggam nanaman ako... hay... what can i do? *wink*

1. Girls always smell good even if it is just shampoo

2. The way their head always finds the right spot on our shoulders

3. How cute they look when they sleep

4. The ease in which they fit into our arms

5 . The way they kiss you and all of sudden everything in the world is right

6. How cute they are when they eat

7. The way it takes them hours to get dressed but in the end it's all worth while

8. Because they are always warm even if it's -30 outside

9. They look good no matter what they wear

10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the
most beautiful girl on earth

11. How cute they are when they argue

12. The way her hand always finds yours

13 . The way they smile

14. The way you feel after you see her name on your cell after you just had a big fight

15. The way they say "lets not fight anymore"- even though you know that an hour later...

16. The way they kiss you after a fight

17 . The way they kiss you after you say "i love you"

18. Actually..The way they kiss you...

19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry

20. The way they apologize after crying over something that silly

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt

22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt
(even though we don't admit it)

23. The way they say "i miss you"

24. The way you miss them

25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so it doesn't hurt her anymore.

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them, it matters not! Because once in your life, whatever they are to the world, they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, travel the depths of their souls and say a million things without trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beats of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper do it justice. It is a thing of not the mind but the heart.

A feeling.

Only felt.

~

masaya lang ^_^
kailangan ko na talaga ng insecticide... hahaha!

something

2007-11-20T16:01:00.000+08:00

beyond art...
beyond music...
beyond science...
beyond language...

something...

just something...

and i'm not telling you ^_^

negative

2007-11-05T18:22:00.000+08:00

di na ako sasama sa competition kahit pinayagan na ako ni nanay... dahil di ako pinayagan ng bunsong kapatid ko dahil di ako pinayagan ni tatay. di nako nagpaalam kay tatay kasi di niya ako papayagan. yung kapatid ko lang talaga yung ayaw na akong kausapin dahil makakamiss ako ng klase. so sasama dapat akong di nagpapaalam kay father dear. wahahahaha! so nagpaalam ako sa guardian angel ko kung papayagan niya ako. ok lang naman daw kasi gusto ko at mag-eenjoy naman ako dun. pero nung tinanong ko yung kunsensya ko, todo todong pangungunsensya ang ginawa sa akin. to the next level as in. sus... at nung mabalitaan ni guardian angel ang mga sinabi ni kunsensya, nagets niya at sinabi na ring mas mabuti kung di na ako sumama dahil acads nga naman ang priorities of the students of the university of the philippines. hay. at siyempre takot na din ako sa prof ko sa inorganic dahil muntik na niya akong di payagang kumuha ng subject. kung pinagbigyan lang niya akong makakuha ng slot, paano pa kaya niya ako papayagang magabsent ng isang buong linggo diba?

siyempre di naman talaga ganun kalakas ang motivation kong pumunta dahil di naman ako papatugtugin. malamang ako lang ang taga ayos ng costume... ng mga costume na sakit sa ulo... mga mababahong piraso ng tela na walang kwenta. papasamahin ako at gagawing alalay. ang motivation ko lang na pumunta ay ang bonding moments with the other people, na magagawa ko naman sa ibang oras at di kailangan sa baguio. un lang. so di na talaga ako pupunta. sana lang yung mag-aayos ng costume ay talagang maayos ang trabahong gagawin. sana...

*inhale... exhale...*

antok nako

detour

2007-11-04T18:13:00.000+08:00

no choice but to suck it all in and swallow it whole. no point in letting it stay in your mouth. it has to come down eventually...

not everything is sweet. not everything is pleasant. never mind the bite, nevermind the heat, look forward to the sweet after taste and the bubbly side effects. don't think... just swallow...

pain now, comfort later.

deal with it.

career

2007-10-26T23:41:00.000+08:00

took a test at tickle.com and it says it'll be perfect if i were...

~~~

Based on your unique skill set, the #1 right job for you is an:

Architect
Your runner-up jobs are:

* Psychologist
* Computer systems analyst
* Chemist
* Airplane pilot
* Flight engineer
* Veterinarian

Why These Jobs Work For You
You try to control situations by learning everything there is to know. You hesitate to take hasty actions and prefer to become an expert before providing your opinion on matters. When you do become an expert, however, it is hard for you to listen to novices who try to give their advice, as well. As a result, you ultimately prefer to work by yourself so that you can implement your own solution rather than cooperate just to please others.

Research has shown that people whose personalities are well-suited to their job environments are happier and more successful. Remember, your Right Jobs were selected because they are good matches for your career personality — they would allow you to exercise the qualities mentioned above. They were not based on the skills you already have, or would need to perform those jobs. Those are things you can learn along the way.

That said, here's a description of the Right Job that is the best statistical match to your career personality. If you don't like the sound of it, you can do a bit more research on the runner-up jobs that match your personality almost as well.

As an architect, you would plan and design structures. Most likely, you'd focus on buildings and their immediate surroundings. In particular, architects plan a building's layout — everything from the look of the building itself to where the rooms, the elevators, the stairs, the doors, and the windows should go. You'd do all this while taking the engineering demands into account — the demands necessary to keep the structure stable and safe. Architects also have to do all this while designing a structure that meets the wishes of the client.

Architects are often responsible for choosing the building materials and equipment within a given budget and timeline. That means you'd oversee every aspect of the project, including supervising workers, preparing contracts, and representing the clients' needs to contractors. Architects typically possess high aptitudes for mathematics, spatial reasoning, and creativity. They have skills and interests in both big ideas and small details. Obtaining a four-year degree and passing the Architectural Registration Examination (administered by the Board of Architecture) are prerequisites to becoming an architect. The exam consists of nine parts and takes four days to complete.

Although the work environment of an architect is the best fit for your career personality, that is not to say you won't be happy in another job. In fact, there are plenty of careers that could use your personality's strengths. Architect was the highest statistical match for your personality characteristics. Look to the right for some other jobs that scored high and would be a great fit for you.

In addition to discovering what career best fits you, Tickle has provided some information about how to best fit your career goals with your lifestyle needs. After all, your career can take on many forms, and it is important to know what best works for you.

Why These Jobs Fit Within Your Lifestyle
You enjoy being comfortable in life. You don't need to live in extravagance, but you do like to indulge in a few luxuries. Whether you own a nice home, have an expensive hobby, or take lavish vacations, you are proud that your hard work can support the lifestyle you want.

Having a stable, and relatively prestigious, job is a priority for you. Your career identity is important to you, and you want to feel proud when telling others what you do for a living.

Be careful that you spend within your means. In your later years, retiring comfortably and paying off debts should be your priorities. Because having a rewarding career is important to you, be on the lookout for career advancement opportunities.

You may have already landed your dream job. Congratulations! But most people are still waiting to find the best job for their career personality.

Remember that wherever you are in your career — even if you're already in the job you want to keep for the rest of your life, you can't always control when or how the nature of your job might change, or how the goals of your company might evolve. But you can control the kinds of jobs you look for. That's why it's just as important to know your Wrong Job, as it is to know your Right Job.

To figure out what your Wrong Job is, we inverted the calculations for your Right Job. That means that the personality dimensions on which you scored the lowest contributed to our analysis of the Wrong Job for you.

Wrong Job

If you want to avoid your wrong Job, don't be an:
Underwriter
Why shouldn't you be an underwriter? Remember it's not all about the skills you have or don't have. The Right Job for you is the job that suits your personality best. For true job satisfaction, your job environment needs to match your personality.

Beyond the daily tasks of an insurance underwriter — accepting or rejecting insurance applications, examining client insurance risks, and assigning value to property — underwriters are driven by efficiency. They like things to run smoothly and with as few hitches as possible. They are also detail oriented and disorder will lead to their downfall. These are just some of the reasons you wouldn't find life as an underwriter very satisfying — why it's the Wrong Job for you.

link: http://web.tickle.com/tests/rightjob/index_main.jsp

~

makes sense ^_^
at least runner up ang pagiging chemist... so keri lang... sana maganda ang trabaho ko pagkagraduate ko... wahahahaha...

pain

2007-10-23T20:01:00.000+08:00

there's a masochist in everyone.

putting yourself in pain that it makes you forget about the real problems in your life.

doesn't make sense but if your head is in the sky, nothing ever makes sense...

everything is just an illusion...

blood to hide scars pretending to be open wounds.

hiding in make believe pain to appear helpless. it's a call for attention.

real wounds heal with time. fake wounds never heal.

bangag

2007-10-20T20:01:00.000+08:00

nakagat ko dila ko... penge number ^_^

haha... whee!

worst

2007-10-18T14:11:00.000+08:00

this is actually my worst semester ever. i swear. although results are still pending, i'm predicting that the highest grade i'll get is a 2.75 for phychem1. i'd be lucky to get 2.75 for the rest of my subjects. shit talaga. what's wrong with me? nag-aaral naman ako. bobo lang ba talaga ako? intellectual capacity lang siguro ang problema ko...

breathe... inhale... exhale...

shit..

my feet are getting numb...

change

2007-10-14T14:31:00.000+08:00

"Every Little Thing"
-dishwalla-

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted

~

i received this quote saying that when we realize how hard it is for us to change, we'd also realize how we can't make others change for us. i'm trying to change. i'm trying my best to accept things the way they are. trying to overcome my fears. trying to open myself up especially to you. parang electrons lang na umiikot sa nucleus ng atom. gustong gusto lumapit sa positively charged nucleus pero pag malapit na, parang may force na pumipigil sa kaniya.

di niyo siguro maiintindihan yung graph pero ganun. kapag sobrang layo, walang attraction. pag medyo malapit tumataas ang kinetic energy (bumababa ang potential energy) hanggang makaabot sa peak. and it's downhill from there. tumataas ng husto ang potential energy pero hanggang potential energy lang yun. gusto mo pero hindi mo maaabot. dahil takot ka. gusto mo pero ayaw naman talaga. malabo. sobrang labo. parang quantum mechanics lang. medyo abstract ang mga bagay. you can't pin point anything. you just count on probabilities and statistics.

spoiled

2007-10-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

i've always been used to having everything my way. i usually always get what i want. if i don't get it, i convice myself that i never really wanted it...

hilarious actually... i always get what i want because i always want the things that i could actually have. rejection really is traumatizing. i guess i have to experience it someday.

here's my chance... rejection here i come...

>_< finals season galore... die... die! DIE!!!

entropy

2007-10-11T15:43:00.000+08:00

laya's head's been exothermic lately... the first derivative of temperature with respect to time is positive, and there's not enough ice cream in the world that could neutralize the temperature effect.

if you're not part of her academic world, it is advised to stay away from her if you do not wish to acquire extreme trauma...

nervous breakdown officially starts... now

hay...

2007-10-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

iyaking bata....

vent... veinte

2007-10-06T19:13:00.000+08:00

matatapos na ang unang semestre ng taong ito. madami nang nagawa, madami pang gagawin... madami nang nagbago sa akin... dumami nanaman ang mga kaibigan ko... marami rin ang hindi maiwasang mabitawan ko... hindi ko sinasadya pero minsan kailangan ng oras para lumago ang pagkakaibigan... minsan sapat na ang minsanang pagpaparamdam para mapaalalang magkaibigang matalik pa rin tayo...

at dahil mukhang uso ang paggawa ng listahan ng dalawampung mga bagay na hindi mo masasabi sa isang tao, parang gusto ko na rin gumawa. para naman kahit papaano makarating sa mga taong pinakawalan ko, o kahit papaano mailabas ko na ang aking sama ng loob, para hindi ko na ulit ilalabas, para lumuwang na ang aking dibdib, para sa susunod na semestre, panibagong simula ang aking madadatnan...

dalawampung mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin pero di ko masasabi...

nakikita ko ang buhok sa ilong mo... nakakadistract
natutuwa ako sayo... pero di kita crush... pero nakakatuwa ka talaga eh! pero di kita crush... nakakatuwa ka lang... oo nga di kita crush... hahaha! maniwala ka na please...
wag kang magreklamo kung wala ka namang tinulong... ang lakas kasi ng loob mong maghanap ng awa. hindi talaga ako nakakarelate eh. bakit ako maaawa sayo kung di naman kita nakikita? ang yabang ng dating eh... nalilito na ako
akbayan mo na kasi ako, susko, nahiya ka pa :p hahaha! joke lang... pag akbayan mo ako sige ka sipain ko balls mo... joke lang XD
kung naging lalaki ako at babae ka at linigawan kita, ilang bouquet ng anong bulaklak ang dapat kong ibigay para sagutin mo ako? o talaga bang wala akong pag-asa? sana nung simula pa lang sinabi mo nang nagiilusyon lang ako dahil sayang ang pambili ng rosas. pinangkain ko na lang sana... haha
umutot ka noh? baho eh...
hindi naman talaga ako laway conscious. hindi ko lang talaga gustong dumapo sa labi ko ang labi mong kung saan-saan nang nakarating. mahirap ba talagang isipin na may taong aayaw sayo? pero joke lang... laway conscious talaga ako :p
sorry talaga, di ko sinasadyang titigan ka... hanep kasi abs mo... natutunaw ako...
close ba tayo? since when? pagkatapos mo ako apihin, biglang magkaibigan na tayo? ok ^_^
narealize ko lang na di mo pala ako kilala... naiirita lang ako tuwing akala mo may problema ako. panira eh. ang saya saya ko tapos yun ang iisipin mo? hindi naman ako ang lumayo sayo eh... it takes two to tanggo
tama... oo nga... ok lang naman sakin... ayoko lang magsalita :p paghirapan mo kung gusto mo... gustuhin mo na kasi para maging masaya ako hahaha!
ok lang maging torpe kasi mahirap talaga ang trabaho ng lalaki. pwede naman magparamdam. siguraduhin mo lang na malinaw kung magparamdam ka kasi di ako marunong magbasa ng isip. Anesty is da bes palisi sabi nga ng teacher ko nung elementary. you should keep that im mind...
shut up! i'm talking... bitch...
can i have your life? para lang masaya :D
oo nga! close friends tayo... geez...you don't have to say it over and over. they might become plain words with no meaning. i swear to help you out with all your problems. ganto lang talaga ako magmahal ng kaibigan. wag mong pansinin pag tinutukso na tayo... di kita type :p
you're selfish... i don't like you
i just bought spikes! they're ok ^_^ but you don't care... yah... you're just nice
being practical is more important than written rules. sometimes it pays to be flexible
pag 30 na ako at single pa rin, kasalanan mo for setting such high standards and for being too perfectly imperfect... too perfect for me... i just hate the way you make me wait... you never asked me to wait... but i'm still waiting kasi wala naman akong choice... wala pang dumarating na papalit sayo... baka walang makakapantay sayo...
tara date tayo. pakainin mo ako. wala akong gusto sayo pero gusto kong kumain. wag kang umasang may patutunguhan to dahil gusto ko lang talagang kumain. tara! pakianin mo ko... now na...

hahaha! ayan maluwang na sistema ko... siguro kung kaya ko nang sabihin ang mga ito, kumpleto na ang buhay ko. pwede na akong huminga ng maluwang...

i will try my best to cross out statements that i have had the courage to say directly to the person... wala namang kaso... trip na lang :p ahihihi...

acadmode

2007-09-30T12:43:00.000+08:00

mali yata ang pag-implement ko ng blog ban. it should have been "no blogging and no blog hopping" especially blogs that tell stories of personal academic crisis. nahahawa ako... hahaha

wala naman akong problema other than my acad status... all my other problems (especially about boys... toink) are not really problems. they're practically blankets that try to cover up the real deal when it comes to my acads. ang babaw lang kasi ng acad problem ko. isa lang naman solusyon: mag-aral... but then, to a person with pride the size of the planet earth, studying isn't that easy for me. funny...

i never learned to effectively study, seriously. in elementary, i used to come to class totally unprepared and yet survive. highschool came. i flunked a couple of exams, but it wasn't enough to drag my grades to the floor. i survived highschool without actually really studying. then college came. i survived freshman and sophomore year without studying basically because they were lessons in high school. i didn't need to study too hard. i knew them already. all i needed was a nice review. but when phychem came into my life, my whole world shattered. and my chem nightmare started... pride got in the way and i consciously let my grades free fall...

i'm digging my own grave... consciously...

great... i've blindfolded myself and refused to hold on to ropes that would help me climb back up. i'm committing academic suicide and yet i insist on pursuing the career path i've chosen ever since i can remember...

i will graduate and become a chemist no matter how long it takes... the question is, will my body be able to hold on while i rediscover my love for chemistry? it's taking too long... T_T

sooner or later

2007-09-29T01:28:00.000+08:00

imago
last dance

I fall down again
I tripped on your story
I fade into one other crazy fault
Right on my heel i’ve held up one before

Refrain:
I wouldn’t win if i try to do it all on my own
Stop it before i begin to believe that i can

Chorus:
If the world divides us now
And i’m busy running frightened
Take all i have broken
As i fall tracing your steps
So the challenge is this
Would they find the faith and listen
The fate of the world resides
(Fate of the world resides)

Waitin’ for your lead
I spend for your glory
I couldn’t count the times i’ve broke your heart
(I couldn’t count the times i’ve broke your heart)
But in the end i find myself starting over

In the heart that bled for
(In the heart that bled for)
In the heart that bled for
(In the heart that bled for)
This madness

Ohhh
Sooner or later someone’s gonna get it
Sooner or later someone’s gonna get it
I’m givin’ up my pride
Sooner or later someone’s gonna get it
I’m givin’ up my pride
Sooner or later someone’s gonna get it
Given up my pride
Sooner or later someone’s gonna get it

~

loneliness kills... mali ata ang lyrics... pero anyway... hahah!

i'm still lonely... especially since my wisdom tooth is impacted... pakshet...

at least i've stopped crying...

no more crying...

will you wait for me?

standing room only... i'm just a face in the crowd...

sooner or later someone's gonna get it...

given up my pride

will you wait for me?

frustration

2007-09-23T08:14:00.000+08:00

it was a large hall. you wanted to see me.
they were there and i didn't want them to see us.
you weren't there but you left pages and pages of tissue with colorful writings in it.
they were lists of your frustrations...
long lists of your wishes
your hopes and dreams that never came true
and i flipped through every page
trying to memorize
trying to empathize
trying to understand what went through you mind
but i never got to the last page
the page of lost love and frustrated emotion
i wanted to see my name
i wanted to know if there was still the slightest chance

then i woke up with a heavy feeling
frustrated that i still can't penetrate your mind

rewind

2007-09-22T20:14:00.000+08:00

we don't get to see each other that often, which is why every moment i get to be with you has always been different, if not special. every move must be calculated. every word i say is planned so that i'd have no regrets... always about regret... no regrets... an awful motto for an impulsive... tactless person like me... no regrets... and yet the scene kept on playing in my head... wishing i've said something different... wishing i hadn't opened my mouth... hoping for a different outcome... visualizing a happy ending... a better ending... not sour like now... not bitter like before... but sweet... like the way it should be... no regrets... what's done is done... accept my fate... suffer in solitude...

angel

2007-09-21T21:19:00.000+08:00

nagulat ka noh? napaisip rin ako... haha!

hindi pwede eh... malas lang... just when i'm ready... just when i'm lonely... just when i'm desperate... i find out it's not meant to be :p

wrong timing ka! hahaha!

wala pa rin akong inspiration... toink

rules

2007-09-20T19:54:00.000+08:00

got this somewhere sa multiply... hehe... caught my eye... i almost forgot i'm human... hmm...

let life take me where it wants to take me...

~~~

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1.	You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2.	You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3.	There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4.	Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5.	Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6.	"There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7.	Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8.	What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9.	Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10.	You will forget all this.

motivation

2007-09-18T18:14:00.000+08:00

kailangan ko na magkaroon ng crush para naman mamotivate ako. kailangan ko ng tutulak sa aking gawin ang mga dating gusto kong gawin kasi alam kong ngayon, wala na akong lakas na ituloy ang laban. nakakawalang gana na kasi. di ko rin naman nagegets ang ginagawa ko. parang nakarating na ako sa peak ko at umabot sa puntong wala na akong kailangang patunayan pa. wala rin naman kasi akong kailangang patunayan pa kasi wala namang pumapansin. wala namang papansin. di naman kailangang magexcel bakit ko pa pipiliting galingan? sawa na ako... pagod na ako... nakakatamad na kung ito lang lagi ang napapala ko...

kailangan ko ng bagong passion. kailangan kong mabuhayan ulit... gusto ko nang makahanap ng crush para kahit papaano may kilig factor na nagaganap sa buhay ko kahit na boring ang life in general... kailangan ko na magkaroon ng isang focus kasi nakakasawa nang madaming nagaganap sa buhay ko, wala naman akong magawang matino... taeng buhay kasi, kung anuano pang pinasok ko...

narealize ko rin kasing simula ng mawalan na ako ng crush, napapansin ko na lahat ng lalaki sa paligid ko. noong may crush ako, isa lang ang pinapansin ko. it was miserable kasi ang bigat ng may isa lang na pinagtutuunan ng pansin, pero at least may nangyayari kahit na napakanegative ng epekto nun sa akin. at least may direction... down... hahahaha! ngayon kasi parang walang direksyon. di man lang gumagalaw... wala akong tinatanaw. wala nang nangyayari sa buhay ko. parang gusto ko na lang munang umupo at pagmasdan ang pinanggalingan ko para mapagisipan kung talagang tama ang dinadaanan ko. gusto kong magkaroon ng crush para dirediretso lang ako sa lakad. bahala na kung tama ang daan basta may ginagawa...

sawa na kasi ako... gusto ko ng tutulak sa akin... hanap niyo ko ng crush... o seriosong boyfriend.... o kahit best friend... basta effective na motivation... kasi konti na lang malapit na akong matapos... sayang naman kung ngayon pa ako susuko

~

nadedepress ako... kasalanan ng bata kasi nandiyan lang siya, kunwari walang ginagawa pero paminsan minsan nagpaparamdam. di ko pa rin siya maintindihan. ayoko na siyang isipin pero lagi niyang nagagawan ng paraan na ipaalam sa akin na nadiyan lang siya. nagsasawa na akong pagtripan siya. di na masaya. nakakapagod... ayoko na ng laro... gusto ko na ulit magserioso pero wala naman akong makitang serioso... hmp... nakakawalang gana... lalu na kung bagsak nanaman ako sa exam ng phychem... pakshet na phychem yan... bwiset

toink

2007-09-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

You've Got a Bit of a Crush

Maybe your guy friend is a crush of convenience - easy enough to happenDid you just break up with someone? Or are you more lonely than usual?If no to both, then this small crush could be the real deal.Find out if he feels the same - because he just might!

Are You Crushing on Him (And Don't Even Know It)?

talaga lang... hmph... ewan... it's just convenient to think about him in the most convenient times. madali kasi siyang maalala at nakakatuwa rin naman siya. nakakairita lang minsan na hindi ko maiwasang umasa at mag-expect ng something mula sa kaniya pero lagi na lang sumasablay. lagi na lang akong binibitin. di ko na alam kung anong hahanapin ko sa kaniya kasi di ko naman siya ever maasahan... hay... nakakatuwa lang siya... yun na yun... hindi naman masama. di naman ako nahihirapan. lagi lang siyang nandiyan pero parang wala. di ko lang alam kung mararamdaman ko ang impact kung bigla na lang siyang mawala... wala na akong kukulitin... wala nang papansin sa akin sa mga panahong nagpapapansin ako...

ewan.. di naman niya ako hinahanap kapag wala ako... hmph...

communication

2007-09-10T19:02:00.000+08:00

palitan ng paa... hahaha! ambantot naman... haha! switchfoot... live in the philippines! and i'm not feeling the wave of energy coming from the fans. diba sikat naman sila? why can't i hear people talking? why aren't people asking me if i'm going? why is it that the only time i hear about it when against the flow is in control of nU107? wrong timing lang siguro ako pero talaga lang, sa isang christian show ko lang talaga sila nabalitaan... hmm...

wala lang... ksp mode. gusto ko lang talaga magsulat ng kahit ano... hahaha!

~

i was just thinking... am i really hanging out with the right crowd? are my friends really the ones i want to spend my free time with? do i need more musically oriented friends? more musically oriented than my already musically oriented friends? it just bothers me that i don't hear the right topics. i miss talking about shallow stuff that people perceive as deep. i want to get my mind off everyday things. i want to talk about rock music and the local music scene. i want to be updated on the latest political issues. i want to discuss. i want to be on my toes again. i want to talk about everything under the sun, but not the things i'm graded to write about. i want to talk without having to think about what others will think. i don't want to worry about my grades or deadlines. i want to talk. just talk. that kind when i don't have to think. the kind where i get to listen and learn, at the same time be able to say freely what's on my mind. i want to talk. i want to listen. so talk to me mhen...

misery

2007-09-08T08:24:00.000+08:00

if you still don't know, i spent the most miserable days of my college life in summer 2006. i don't even want to reread my journal. i would hate to remember how small i felt and how miserable they made me feel without even trying. to the point that i wanted to hit the walls so hard that it would fall on them and shatter their skulls into bits and pieces. of course i couldn't do that. i felt too small to even attempt such feat. traumatizing.

i don't think i ever recovered. my self esteem has always been low but after those days, i felt like dust.

the face i wear now is just a mask. the body that you see is an empty jacket, sprayed with starch so that it would stand on its own. i have friends to hold on to whenever i feel like collapsing. i have my family to go home to where i could recharge my spirits. and i have my blog and online friends to cause enough distraction, to keep the tears from falling.

i joined the trip because i wanted to learn. i wanted to grow. i wanted to be like you because i've always admired you. but i made the wrong move.

if there's something in my life that i regret, it's joining the trip. it caused me so much pain that i had to take a break for one whole sem. i got so tired. i had to get out.

at ngayon, nagbalik nako, ganun pa rin. ewan.

if you're thinking that i should be talking to the people involved instead of going all out emo in my blog, i'd tell you, sino ba ako? isa lang akong pipitsuging bata na taga bilang at taga tupi ng damit. walang kapangyarihan. walang boses. talaga? papakinggang nila ako?

anyway, that's ages ago. buried deep in the past. ayoko nang kausapin at ayoko nang pag-usapan kasi ayokong gumagawa ng gulo. ok na naman. nagkaroon na ng compromise. my scars are still visible pero di ko na nararamdaman.

~

ayoko nang pag-usapan natin kasi wala na namang mababago. tapos na. gusto ko lang malaman mo, minsan sa buhay mo sinaktan mo ako nang di nalalaman... past is past

karir

2007-09-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

loyal ako. as in loyal talaga. kapag napagdisisyunan kong siya na, siya lang talaga. at kailangan pa talagang masaktan at halos patayin ang sarili para lang makalimutan siya. at crush lang yan. crush that's almost equivalent to an obsession. to the point that it's not helpful... it's not healthy...

i'm not sure if my current status is better than my obsessive/unhealthy life before. now, i tend to notice each and every single guy that comes my way and gives me the smallest bit of attention. seriously. i'm not sure if he likes me that way but i always catch him looking at me. and it's so sweet... and cute... ang hirap kasing hindi mapansin. edi tititigan ko rin siya, pero nakataas ang kilay... hahaha! tapos ang sasabihin ba naman "ang kulit talaga neto!" at ako pa ang makulit? :p

di ko alam. napansin ko lang. proproblemahin ko ba siya? dapat ba layuan ko na siya? dapat ba hindi ko na siya pansinin? siya naman unang pumapansin sa akin eh... bakit ba lagi na lang ako ang nagmumukhang lumalapit? unfair... ako na lang laging nagmumukhang malandi... hmph...

ang papansin, pinapansin, kawawa naman kasi, baka magmukha lang siyang tanga at mapahiya... haha!

pity

2007-09-06T16:55:00.000+08:00

hay... ako lang ang may karapatang maawa sa sarili ko. pwedeng mukha akong kawawa. pwede kang maawa sakin. pero wag na wag mong sasabihin sa akin... ayokong naririnig. ayoko ring ganyan kang tumitig sa akin kasi ayoko. nakakairita.

tulungan mo ako. samahan mo ako. hug me. kiss me. tell me that i can make it. but never tell me na naaawa ka sakin, ok? it causes more damage than you think.

it pulls me down instead of encouraging me to do better. it crushes my spirit and makes me feel weak. it hits the spot and it hurts too much that i can't even bare to look at myself on the mirror. and it sucks.

sympathy is different from pity. i prefer empathy

How to play Soccer?

2007-09-06T09:45:00.000+08:00

1) Stay always in a useful position for the team!
2) Keep track of the ball!
3) When the ball is not important scan the field (keeping track of teammates and opponents)
4) Don't speak unless you have anything important to say!
5) Communicate important events and information if you believe you are the one that know them better!
6) Prepare your actions by predicting it's outcome! (look out there and imagine possible scenarios!)
7) At each moment, try to reduce opponent's possible options and increase teammate's possible options!
8) To do different things in the field (attack, defend, etc.), different team behavior is needed!
9) Don't waste energy unless it is essential for the team!
10) Try to put yourself inside others' minds (teammates and opponents) and try to imagine what they are thinking!
11) If you can score, shoot! If not, if you may pass to someone who can score, pass! If not, if you can pass to someone that may pass to someone that may pass to someone that can score, pass! If not, ...
12) Don't hold the ball or dribble unless you really do not have anything else to do!
13) Don't pass backwards!
14) Forward the ball to the back of the defense whenever possible!
15) Cross the ball early from the flanks (wings) to the back of the defense!
16) Allow the ball to work for you! Don't you work for the ball!
17) Maintain a compact team shape!
18) Use the open space to attack and limit it to defend!
19) Forwards (and other players) should change positions to confuse the opponent's defense!
20) Wing forwards should stay wide to bring defenders out of the middle of the field!
21) When the ball is lost, all players must think defensively!
22) Challenge opponents (in control of the ball) very fast so that they may not advance in the field!
23) Limit opponent's choices by reducing his space and covering his pass lines!
24) As a defender don't do risky passes or risky interceptions. Be cautious! Let the opponent commit himself first!
25) The closer the play is near your own goal, the tighter the defense must be!
26) What you do without the ball is as important as what you do with the ball!
27) Use players with different capabilities for different positions!
28) Change your playing style according to the game situation and opponent!
29) Be flexible and adaptative. Don't use rigid rules for anything!
30) Train against different opponents and analyze deeply the games!

http://www.ieeta.pt/robocup/overview/how_to_play_soccer.htm

cortisol

2007-09-01T17:48:00.000+08:00

namamaga yung shin ko... ay, di pa ata to shin kasi nasa ibaba. hmm... hindi, shin na rin to kasi hindi siya ankle. basta namamaga. hahaha! ilang beses ba naman matamaan ng bolang lumilipad. whee!!!

for now, hindi ko pa rin alam kung serioso nako. pero may nakikita akong potential. daming PG looking guys. may potential talaga... hahahaha! jowk lang... narealize ko lang kasi na pumapayat ako. dahil kasi sa stress ito. tumataas ang levels ng cortisol sa aking dugo. kailangang kontrahin ito. kailangan ko ng epinephrine sa aking katawan upang sumaya. eh ang balita ko, tumataas ang epinephrine levels when engaging in sports activities. and that's what i'm doing... diba? not just patay-gutom-looking-guy hunting. hehehe

sana masolve ko na ang aking stress problems by doing this. i really need a time out from acads and all the other stress causing eklat in my life. wahahaha!

~

my feet smell funny...

nakakapanibago

2007-08-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

-hindi siya online... hmm...
-inaantok na ako
-walang ipis
-di pako nagsisimulang mag-aral eh dalawa exam ko sa sat
-puyat ako buong linggo
-di ko nabigyan ng regalo ang aking kaibigang may bday last week
-kakaiba ang aura ng mga bagay
-hindi pa rin bumabalik ang aking drive/motivation
-pagod pa rin ako
-sawa nakong maging mapagpasensya
-nagtxt yung bata after 10 years
-may dead pussy cat sa road... aww...
-parang hindi mahirap makahanap ng rason para magalit
-heirarchy plays a big role in life
-insecure ako as a person. hindi pala halata. haha
-mapride ako, hindi ata alam ng mga tao to
-hindi na ako nakakakanta
-gusto kong mag-gitara
-nangangawit nako... pwede ko na ba bitawan?
-parang wala na atang nakikinig, formality na lang ang mga trial sa court
-first time kong magfootball (soccer) kahapon in 6 years
-masakit abs ko... magkaka abs na ba ako?
-gusto ko magkaroon ng boylet para may makukuwento na ako sa iba
-wala pa rin akong nararmdamang urgency... tamad kasi ako

reminder

2007-08-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

mahirap makalimot. kahit pa sabihin nating "past is past" hindi mo naman mapipilit ang utak mong bigla na lang magkaamnesia. parang skill lang yan. once you learn it, it's there. and the process of unlearning is twice or thrice as hard as learning it (according to 8 out of 10 dentists)

at dahil mahirap makalimot, hindi ba nakakainis kapag hindi mo na pinapansin, hindi mo na iniisip, malapit nang dumating sa punto kung saan makakalimutan mo na nga, tapos biglang may magpapaalala nanaman sayo... tsk...

bakit ganun? sinasadya kaya nila yun? gusto ko rin ng ganung kapangyarihan! ang makaroon ng kakayanang sumipot sa pinaka hindi kaaya-ayang oras para lang ipamukha sa kaniya na "sinong linoko mo? hindi mo ako kayang kalimutan. hindi kita papayagang kalimutan ako" hay...

i guess i'm forced to give up. surrender to his will... ang problema ko na lang, hindi ko alam kung anong balak niya. wahahahaha! hindi naman talaga problema. it's actually amusing ^_^ it just scares me that i might get used to the idea that he's there. he always turns out when i need him. paano kung bigla nanaman siyang mawala? edi napahiya nanaman ako. waaa...

dapat yata masanay nako. wahahaha

play

2007-08-21T19:21:00.000+08:00

dear lalaki,
naisip ko lang, mas madali siguro ang buhay ko kung player ka na lang. at least alam kong di dapat seriosohin. sigurado akong laro lang. magaling naman ako dun. masaya akong bata. mahilig ako sa laro.
madali rin kung may girlfriend ka. sigurado akong walang malisya at just friends lang tayo.
sobrang dali ng buhay kung bading ka nga. walang kaso sayo kung magspill ako sayo ng mga bitter love stories ko diba. masaya pang kwentuhan ang magagawa natin.
kaya lang lalaki ka. di ko alam kung anong nasa isip mo. haha! should i stop before we cross the line between friendly flirting and serious flirting? should i hold myself back before i hurt myself?

panic

2007-08-21T04:41:00.000+08:00

mag fa-faint nako... saluhin mo ko bilis!

egay

2007-08-18T08:20:00.000+08:00

stuck at home, no one to talk to but atkins (phychem) sawang sawa nako sa phychem... buti pa ang quantum kahit papaano naaappreciate ko na. nakakatuwa kasi imagine ang mga electrons na paikotikot lang... lumilipad sa area kung saan mataas ang probability na makita sila dun... nakakaaliw na kahit sa classically forbidden areas, posible pa rin silang makita dun. gusto kong maging katulad ng electron... malayang nakakalipad at tumatalbogtalbog sa kung anong direksyon. masaya. puno ng kinetic energy. hindi mapipigil sa gusto niyang gawin

parang bagyo... kahit san niya gustong pumunta, pupunta siya. kung saan man siya dalhin ng hangin, kebs kung may masagasaan, kebs kung maraming mamatay, kebs kung maraming napeperwisyo, basta pupunta siya kung saan niya gusto...

dati natutuwa ako pagmasdan ang ulan. masarap titigan ang mga patak na humahalik sa lupa at sasabog na lang bigla.

dati natutuwa rin ako kapag umaambon at ako ang hinahalikan ng ulan. kahit malamig, mainit ang pakiramdam.

dati natutuwa ako kapag umuulan... ngayon naiiyak ako tuwing nakikita ko ang ulan... gusto kong samahan ang langit na lumuluha sa tuwing may patak na nakakatakas mula sa kaniyang pagkakabitag...

~

nakakahawa lang talaga kapag nakakakita ka ng umiiyak... gusto mo na rin tuloy umiyak...

stars

2007-08-17T13:24:00.000+08:00

Maybe I've been the problem 
Maybe I'm the one to blame 
But even when I turn it off and blame myself 
The outcome feels the same 

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy 
Maybe I'm the chance of rain 
And maybe I'm overcast 
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain 

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, 
Everyone you looks so lonely 
But when I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars, I see someone else 
When I look at the stars 
The stars, I feel like myself 

Stars looking at a planet 
Watching entropy and pain 
And maybe to start to wonder 
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane 

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance 
Of a hope beyond my own 
And suddenly the infinite and penitent 
Begin to look like home 

I've been thinking about everyone 
Everyone you looks so empty 
But when I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars, I see someone else 
When I look at the stars 
The stars, I feel like myself. 
Yeah! 

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely 
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty 
When I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars 
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself 
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

switchfoot

try

2007-08-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I learn
The more I cry I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be, we never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

-nelly furtado

burnout

2007-08-16T14:18:00.000+08:00

announcement lang, tinatamad nakong mabuhay... gusto kong may magseserve na lang sa akin forever kasi ayoko na munang kumilos... gusto kong maglaro...

lalalala...

play play play...

"burnout" is one of the words that are mentioned in all of my blogs... titles pa nga ata yun eh. of course referring to different things and events and reasons why i feel burned out pero ibig sabihin lang nito hindi lang isang beses na napagod ako.

ang galing... pagod pagod pagod... kain tayo ng ice cream ^_^

tinatamad ako...

boycot education! it's brainwashing us! wag na tayo mag-aral! boycot socialization! mabubuhay ako ng walang social life! halina't kumain ng ice cream!

no regrets

2007-08-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

sabi ko sa sarili ko lalagyan ko ng distansya... pero anong ginagawa ko ngayon? hay... hindi ko naman masabing kalandian to... hindi ko naman siya chinochurva, alam ko lang na kakausapin niya ako't papansinin. eh ksp mode ako ngayon. sino bang lalapitan mo kundi taong papansin sayo diba?

oo nga, parang hindi ako yung nagsasalita nung kinukuwento ko sa kaniyang nagalit ako. tumatanda na raw ako. natututo nakong magalit...

hindi ko maalalang nagalit ako sa kaniya... pero naaalala ko yung araw na nanginginig na ako at hindi ako makapagsalita... ni hindi ko siya matingnan sa mata. hindi ko alam kung galit ako sa kaniya noon... hindi ko pa ata alam ang konsepto ng galit noon... at wala akong rason para magalit sa kanya...

i just wish i could read his mind... pakiramdam ko hindi siya nagbago, siya pa rin ang anghel ko pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin siya kilala... the control freak in me just couldn't take the suspense kasi siguro ako nagbreakdown at nagcollapse figuratively in front of his eyes. anyway, what's done is done. no regrets. we're happy now ^_^

spill

2007-08-14T20:12:00.000+08:00

mangyayari ba ever na kapag sinabi ko na, kapag tinapon ko na, hindi na ulit lilitaw?

tipong kapag sinabi ko na, tapos na at hindi na ulit babalikan?

gusto kong sabihing naiinis ako sayo dahil pakiramdam ko iniwan mo ako. yun nga lang alam kong pakiramdam lang ito at hindi naman totoo, pero dahil nararamdaman ko, kailangan ko pa rin sabihin sayo dahil palagi ko pa rin ito mararamdaman hangga't hindi ko nasasabi. pero alam kong kapag sabihin ko to, malalaman mong hinahanap kita, magbabago ka, magbabago ako. lalu kang mawawala... lalu kitang hahanapin...

anger management

2007-08-14T19:20:00.000+08:00

siguro kailangan kong magalit ng mas madalas para hindi gaanong malaki ang impact sa akin everytime na magagalit ako...

it's always the same... nanginginig ako... hindi ako makapagsalita... napupuno nalang ako ng emotion na hindi na logical ang pag-iisip ko... alam ko lang galit ako. hindi ko na alam kung bakit. basta galit ako. at matagal bago ako makarecover... usually kailangan ko pang matulog para lang malimutan ko na ang nangyari.

naisip ko lang, ang simple lang ng nangyari kanina, bakit ganun na lang ang reaction ko sa kaniya. serioso, hanggang ngayon naiiyak pa rin ako. mahapdi na talaga ang mata ko kasi ngayon lang ako ulit umiyak ng ganito. may nagsabi sa akin kanina na sintomas daw ito ng taong walang closure. oo nga, walang closure kasi hindi naman niya alam na galit ako. hindi niya alam na nanginginig na ako. hindi niya alam na ang taas na ng blood pressure ko. shit... hindi talaga ako sanay na nagagalit... bakit ako galit? hindi ko alam!! hay grabe... basta galit ako...

ang hirap kasi hindi ako makapagsalita kapag galit nako... wala na... sarado na isip ko...

of all emotions, anger is really hard to control. hindi ko alam kailan magsisimula, hindi ko masabi kung kailan matatapos...

ayokong nagagalit... nauubusan ako ng sasabihin... nawawalan rin ako ng gana... hindi productive... i should learn how to handle my emotions... --_--'

*sigh*

low bat

2007-08-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

kulang ako sa tulog... nagulo na nanaman ang aking biological clock... kailangang i-calibrate ulit dahil ang side effect ng maling bio clock, maling oras ako inaantok... hay...

if i remember it correctly, a certain famous person theorized that people sleep at night as a natural adaptation since they need rest and they can't do anything at night since DSL wasn't uso back then. but now, a lot of people get busy at night. ako mismo, mas productive ako pag gabi kaya i'd rather spend my nights awake than waste it by just sleeping. narealize ko rin na ang pagtulog ay magandang excuse kapag wala kang ganang gawin ang pinapagawa sayo or ayaw mong mainvolve sa mga kaganapan sa iyong paligid... in short, it's my escape... narealize ko lang, inaantok ako dahil gusto kong antukin... narealize ko rin na tinatanggap naman ng tao sa paligid ko na inaantok nga ako kasi totoo naman... natutuwa ako kasi kahit hindi ako natutulog, kahit mukha lang akong natutulog, walang iistorbo sa akin... ambabait

shet may daga... aakk...

newei... ayokong tinatanong ako kung anong problema ko tuwing tumatahimik na lang ako. mahirap ba talagang isiping may mga panahong ayokong magsalita? wala naman akong sasabihin, bakit pako magsasalita? hindi ako galit, hindi ako malungkot, wala akong problema, leave me alone... hindi lang talaga ako minsan makarelate sa usapan kaya tumatahimik ako... at minsan gusto ko lang talagang tumambay mag-isa... mahirap bang intindihin yun?

mabuti pa yung mga araw na inaantok ako... at least walang nagtatanong kung may problema ako...

nakaraan

2007-08-10T19:46:00.000+08:00

sabi ko nga kay ate klara, "past is past" ....iwan na natin ang nakaraan at magsimula ng bagong buhay dala ang bagong pag-asa. haha! parang catch phrase lang ng isang kumakandidato bilang konsehal... ^_^

narealize ko ulit (kasi sigurado akong madaming beses ko nang narealize ito) na past may be past pero hindi ganoon kadaling makalimot. kadalasan, maririnig mo pa rin na kumakanta ang boses ko kapag nagkukuwento ako tungkol sa nakaraang pag-ibig, minsan mararamdaman mo pa rin ang tinig ng galit sa aking boses kapag mga kinaiinisan ko ang kinukuwento ko... it just shows that not everything in the past remains in the past. there's a part of ourselves still holding on to the feelings we once felt... parang old school love story lang noh... tipong kailangan may panyo ka kasi siguradong mamamatay sa ending yung leading lady. nagsasabi lang na ang pinakaideal na situation sa sinehan ay ang bigong pag-ibig... yeah... yeah...

joke lang...nakalimutan ko na kasi ang isusulat ko so kung anu-ano nang pinipindot ng daliri ko. bihira lang kasing ayos ang keyboard ko. at ngayon dahil ayos, sayang naman kung di ako magboblog. tinanong nga ni nanay kung paano pa ako nakakapagblog kung sira na ang keyboard ko... naku, feeling ko hindi na siya naniniwalang sira nga ito... pramis! sira pa rin siya. hay... ngayon nga lang ulit naayos... at super bihira na yun nangyayari...

grabe ang nakaraan ay nakaraan... yun lang... walang sense... kasi hindi ko rin alam kung first love never dies kasi kung past is past, first love is injured and deds na by now. pero kung hindi naman pala true love yun at yung second love pala ang true love, if the flame is still strong, hindi rin past is past. pano yun? tsaka yung mga enemies, forgive and forget... bakit friends pa rin pero not as close?

ang sinasabi ko lang naman, ayos ang keyboard ko ngayon kaya tinotodo ko lang ang pag type ^_^

ah! naaalala ko na gusto kong sabihin kanina... mahal ko pa rin si lea salonga kahit nagevolve na ang aking taste in music... i still can't help but sing along whenever her songs are played... so ano un? first love never dies?

napapaisip lang siguro ako dahil wala akong mapagkaabalahan ngayon... napipilitang bumalik sa lumang tugtugin kasi yun ang naririnig... gusto ko ng bagong kanta... para maiba... haha...

ang galing... ayos pa rin keyboard ko... hahahaha! whee! wala nakong ibang masabi... hmmm... world peace? let's save the world from cavities! down with global warming! paputukin ang mga bulkan! yeah! go captain planet!

earth!

fire!!

wind... water... heart!

with your powers combined... I am Capitan Planeta!!!

hay... antok nako... past midnight na kasi kaya nababaliw lang ^_^

i'm thinking if i should publish this entry since it makes no sense...

siguro may sense siya talaga kaya ko pa rin siya ipupublish...

gusto ko lang maging mahaba para hindi na mapansin yung sense...

pero baka wala naman talagang sense, gusto ko lang isipin ninyong may sense ito...

actually, ayos kasi ang keyboard ko kaya gusto kong magtype! whee!!!

ito na siguro ang pinakamahabang blog entry ko ever... hay...

congratulations... hindi pa rin ba ako makapagmove on? tapos na... tapos na nga ang kulit! past is past... wala nang sense... walang sense... wala... walang kwentang entry! gah! (wow mood swing ^_^ haha.. schizo lang kunwari)

sencia... i really should learn how to cut and end things where they should end.... kasi wala na rin naman akong sinasabi... --_--'

let go... save and publish... yes... tapos na ang entry na ito... tapos na... bitawan na at wag nang babalikan... sencia kung inistorbo kita... i have this tendency to be selfish and listen only to myself... kaya ayan, you're free... you're no longer obliged... you were never obliged... there never were strings anyway... not because my keyboard is fixed (which is just temporary) i should keep on typing... gawd... sorry... wala nang sense... wala...

cravings

2007-08-09T10:30:00.000+08:00

gusto ko ng braso de mercedes... wala lang... hahaha!

naisip ko lang kasi na parang gusto ko kumain nun ngayon... kasi matagal nakong di nakakakain nun. i can't remember how it tastes pero habang iniimagine ko ngayon yung feeling, parang masarap naman yata. o baka mali ang iniisip ko. kasi alam kong may reason kung bakit tumigil akong kumain nun, yun nga lang nakalimutan ko na ang rason. baka ayoko lang talaga alalahanin. now that i've forgotten the reasons why i stopped eating braso de mercedes, i'm craving for it again. hay... siguro dahil medyo madalas ko nanaman nakikita yung braso de mercedes na nakadisplay pero hindi ko binibili kasi may apple pie naman. hindi ko kinakain yung crust ng apple pie pero yun pa rin ang binibili ko. natatakot lang akong bumalik sa braso de mercedes na dati'y gustong gusto ko, at ngayon, halos hindi ko na maalala ang lasa...

hay... pagbalik ko sa cs canteen, sigurado ako, hahanap hanapin ko ang blueberry cheese cake pero sigurado akong hindi available. makikita ko ang chocolate cake, pero hindi ako kumakain ng chocolate cake kaya totally ignore un. makikita ko ang braso de mercedes, mapapaisip ako pero sigurado ako, apple pie pa rin ang bibilin ko. ang weird... hindi ako nagcacrave ng apple pie pero yun at yun pa rin ang kinakain ko.

cravings are just for fantasies in my head. kapag nandun na, hindi ko rin pinagbibigyan sarili ko... may rason kung bakit inayawan ko ang braso de mercedes noon. ayoko nang maulit... fantasies are often better left as fantasies. reality ruins the magic :p

end

2007-08-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

i'm so confused right now. i feel sorry for myself for torturing myself for something that isn't really anything. i'm being depressed for being depressed for no reason, and that's just depressing...

thinking should be banned for me... i think too much that it gets me nowhere. it's useless.

if it's over, it's over. end of story. i shouldn't feel sorry for something that wasn't even anything.

no sense in thinking of what might have been and what will be. if nothing has then nothing will. simple logic.

if the door is closed, i should be banned to even set a finger on the knob or even press my ear against it. keep the door closed and stay away. there are reasons why doors have locks and that's to keep me out... keep closed doors closed. and don't even try to peek through the window.

i'm a mess >_<

love songs

2007-08-03T07:09:00.000+08:00

ang lovelife ang pinakamadaling gawan ng kanta dahil maraming nakakarelate. at sa dinamidami na ng lovesong sa mundo, parang madali nang gawing scripted ang lovelife. ang dali lang kasi parang may manual ka na in the form of songs. ang dali rin baguhin ang emotions mo since somehow nadidictate ng kanta ang dapat mong maramdaman o kung ano man ang gusto mong maramdaman. ang dali talaga kung lovelife lang ang problema mo kasi tuloy tuloy pa rin ang buhay mo in general dahil ang lovelife ay nasa labas pa rin ng personal circle mo. even if your love life crumbles into tiny bits and pieces, you still have the rest of your life and hopefully a very sturdy support system to keep you standing on your feet...

buti sana kung lovelife lang ang pinoproblema ko lagi... mas madali sana ang buhay ko... minsan gusto kong magkaroon ng lovelife para lang malilimutan ko lahat ng problema kong walang solusyon... madalas, hindi lovelife ang dahilan ng namamaga kong mga mata...

mahirap maintindihan noh? ganto lang talaga ako... mas madali sa akin magkuwento kung lovelife lang ang problema ko... di ko na tuloy alam kung anong gagawin ko ngayon... hindi nako sanay na may totoong problema... napapagod nako...

big girls don't cry

2007-07-31T18:51:00.000+08:00

bakit kasi pinanganak akong iyakin? bakit kasi nasanay akong laging may kasama? ang dali ko tuloy lumungkot kapag wala akong kasama... hay... it's been a while since my hands were warm... gawd... you won't realize what loneliness means until you've experienced bliss... real happiness... i don't know what's worse: to be extremely satisfied only to realize in the end that all good things come to an end, or never feel lonely just because you have no idea what you're missing... i've always prefered ignorance... hay...

i hate sounding desperate. coz i'm not. kailangan lang may crush ako lagi. kailangan talaga may kinababaliwan ako para may motivation ako, or at least para may back up problem ako tuwing masyado nang mahirap ang mga problema ko. kailangan ko ng alternative focus. kailangan ko ng distraction para makapagpahinga ako minsan. yes, kahit pinoproblema ang lovelife, it's not really something too serious that would cause me stress (supposedly). using it as a reason to wallow and feel sorry for myself gives me reason to seek attention from anyone. at bilang ksp, i feel recharged form these wallowing moments with my friends. now... i'm just lonely...

hindi na ako natutuwa at nabubuhayan tuwing napansin ako ng crush ko. hindi ko na nararamdaman ang extrang attention na hinihingi ko kapag ksp mode kasi walang rason para magpakaKSP. kasi wala akong lovelife... hindi ako sanay! --_--'

kailangan ko rin matutong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa... time to grow up...

focus

2007-07-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

napagtripan ko nanaman ang background ko... too bad di pako nakakapaginstall ng photoshop so old school na lang... paint --_--'

sinukuan ko... hahaha! paint is sooo... basta... so ayun, recycled background na lang haha...

short attention span

ksp mode

pms mode

drama queen mode

i hate my life hahaha!

i miss volunteering... yung totoong pagvovolunteer na walang sweldo at hindi napipilitan

may pimple ako sa right cheek ko

nahihilo ako kasi nagbasa ako ng nobelang nakita ko sa cabinet

inaantok nako kaya lang may report pa kami bukas ng maaga

gawa daw ako ng handout.. ayoko nga haha

bakit ganun, less dilute mas nagcoconduct?

gusto ko ng bagong laptop... totoong laptop at hindi desktop na mukhang laptop. yung tipong sumasara at portable. yung tipong tatagalan ang aking haggardness... matatag rin ang keyboard.

bakit kailangan makati ang pimple ko?

kulang ako sa focus... pano nako gagraduate niyan?

territorial

2007-07-26T18:12:00.000+08:00

keep off the grass!!! gah...
i can't believe i can be this moody.. just because i couldn't sleep last night... basta naiirita ako!

sana lang marunong ng konsepto ng "respeto" ang ibang tao
sana lahat ng tao marunong makaappreciate ng efforts ng iba
sana lang kahit minsan pakinggan mo naman ako.
minsan marunong rin naman akong mapagod
yung totoong pagod
yung tipong wala na talaga akong mapiga
kahit luha wala na

wala na.

linabas ko na ang lahat

please, give me a break

minsan naman ako naman ang intindihin mo
para hindi na lang ako ang laging considerate

minsan gawin mo naman akong bida

minsan lang

para di nako mabilis mapagod

naiirita nako

ayoko na

nagsasawa nako

imbishibol

2007-07-25T17:21:00.000+08:00

tell me, why do i have a feeling that you don't want me here?

temporary

2007-07-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

nothing in this world is constant, except change.
everything moves towards more disorder.
ultimate chaos is the final goal.
infinite chaos.
maximum entropy.

nothing is constant.
people come and go.
passing by.
moving on.
leaving.

mahirap makakita ng kaibigang tunay.
bakit kailangang maging temporaryo lang ang lahat?

bakit ngayon pa lang nagpapaalam ka na?
thanks for bursting my bubble.
thanks for ruining my party.

sona

2007-07-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

ang saya naman, napakaganda na pala ng pilipinas ngayon. ang daming improvements! ang daming trabahong naghihintay para sa lahat! kumonte na ang mahihirap! nabigyang pansin ang edukasyon! basta ang daming kachurvahan! napakainam ^_^

in 20 years daw kaya na natin maging 1st world country. talaga lang ha...

bullshit

but then again, the opposite party was talking about the negative side of the country. nakakatuwa naman na may ganitong nagaganap. haha! put them together and you will see the real state of the nation... paano kaya bubuti ang kalagayan ng bansa kung ang namumuno sa atin ay walang isang salita at ang taong bayan hindi iisa ang isinisigaw?

surrender

2007-07-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

wag mo sana akong husgahan sa ginawa ko.
tao lang ako.
may hangganan ang aking kakayahan.
at hindi ko na kaya.
hindi ko sinasadya.
ayokong masaktan ka.
pero minsan kailangan rin natin sumuko.
kailangan nang aminin ang pagkatalo.

paalam

adik lang

2007-07-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

as if naman hindi ako aminado noh... haha! adik ako! adik!

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potpot

2007-07-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

ang galing, 7 na pala ang harry potpot at wala pa akong nababasa ni isa... interesting... :p

sabi ni nanay sa akin nung maliit ako, magbasa daw ako para lumawak ang aking vocabulary... naisip ko, diba actions speak louder than words? aantayin ko na lang yung movie. ayokong basahin yung book kasi nadidisappoint ako kapag nabasa ko yung book tsaka ko mapapanood yung movie hehe

psycho

2007-07-21T16:08:00.000+08:00

loneliness is my enemy. there's nothing wrong with feeling lonely sometimes. it's quite normal, i know, it's just that whenever i'm lonely i seem to act a bit off from my normal behavior. we watched wicker park last night and i really could sympathize with the crazy girl, doing crazy things in the name of love/obsession. i'm not saying that what she did was totally fine, it's just that i know how it feels to be really blown away by a person that you become capable of acting psycho.

love/obsession makes you do crazy things. totally guilty. gawd, i can only imagine how puzzled those guys were in the past. i really hope they've all put it all behind them and just forgive me for being such a psycho. if i would only be given a second chance to do it all over, i really wish i had just shut up at that moment. love can't justify all my actions especially since my definition of love coincides with obsession. not healthy for both of us.

they say that "love conquers all" and that "all is fair in love and war" but now i know that it's not. the world can't always revolve around you. not because you think you're in love then he is automatically in love with you too. it's always better to just keep your mouth shut if what's coming out of your mouth is bull. it's rarely a happy ending in most love stories. the real fairy tale can't start if you keep on hanging on to the wrong story.

let go... there's no need to be psycho over a person who is obviously pushing you away

freedom!

Oversharing

How to save a life

January

Resolutions

Uhm

Drawing

zippers

lugay

sizzling haute

happiness

pashion

resurrection

limbo limbo rock

Synonyms:

Antonyms:

Synonyms:

Synonyms:

precipitate

talon!

zombies

buntis

end

cold

black board

5 years

mahalay

someday

job hunting

monthsary

tamad

kaya pala

blog

mcdo

stress

evidence

distance

classify

green links

tears

wala

cramps

ideal

tatlo

blue

vday

calendar

perfect

promotions

liberal

sendinyal

bago

chain letter

something

negative

detour

career

pain

bangag

worst

change

spoiled

entropy

hay...

vent... veinte

acadmode

sooner or later

frustration

rewind

angel

rules

motivation

toink

communication

misery

karir

pity

How to play Soccer?

cortisol

nakakapanibago